I dream so vividly
That reality forgets where its edges lay
And the physical sensation
Lingers on my skin.

And then you woke up, you felt the soft drip of sweat on your furrowed brow. Trailing down your face in thin streams. Your clothes were soaked, and your bed lay damp. Your breathing was heavy as your forlorn gaze drifted off into the night sky.

And then you woke up, you felt the fright from a previous dream cling to your mind, dulling your senses. Cloaking your ears from all previous sounds that might’ve existed. Your hands lay there trembling, uncontrollable in every way, messy hair in all directions.

And as you lay there breathing, you woke up. The erratic thumping of your heart, beating loud into the night. A soft wail from your mouth, encircling the terrible symphony of despair. Grating thoughts, that never seem to go away. It won’t stop, it won't go away . . .

And then you woke up

Always reading too
deeply into dreams that are
better left untouched

5:25 PM
11/12/20

Too many days
have gone by in worry
too many nights
in nightmares

Too many afternoons
in soppy tears
too many mornings
with short breath

There are no happy endings
only endings
only means to an end
only dying to live
beyond our means

When the depression hits
I suddenly become empty
It's like the world around me has stopped spinning
Life becomes dull
And at this point
I would do anything to feel something
Because the nothing is killing me
But then after awhile
When the nightmares start to fade
And my world resumes its rotation
All of the emotions start rushing back
And at this point
I would do anything to go back to feeling
Nothing

the nightmares don't phase me for long because i'm relieved when they're over

what haunts me is waking up from the dreams where i have everything

it's losing what i never had that leaves me empty

i can't tell what makes me more frustrated:
how realistic these peaceful dreams can be
or how naive my mind is to mistake these fantasies

as reality

I have nightmares
And not the kind that leave
Once you wake up
The kind that follow you everywhere