Taylor

Taylor Dec 2020

When little kids have nightmares
You leave a light on
To make the dark less scary
But what happens when the dark
Isn't the scary part
But the pictures
Inside your mind
What do you do then?

#depression #nightmares #dark

Taylor Dec 2020

Lost

Sometimes I wonder
If she thinks of me
As often as I think of her
And I almost hope
That she does
And that she thinks
Of what she lost
But I know, deep down,
That to her I'll always be
The one who lost her,
Not the other way around

Lost relationships love friendship

Taylor Dec 2020

My Fortress

The sides of the bathtub
Rise up like castle walls
Keeping me safe and
Allowing me to ignore
The world outside of them
My small safe haven
My fortress of solitude
A place where I can
Simply be in existence
But not taking up space

#depression #anxiety #bathtub #safety

Taylor Dec 2020

Cigarettes at Midnight

We like to talk about
The parts of depression
That we can make beautiful
The tortured artist
The rainy day tears
But we don't talk about
The uglier, dirtier parts
The recklessness
And lack of care
For your safety
Because being alive
Is not worth the effort
Hell, even the scars
Can be glamorized
But there is nothing pretty
About walking, drunk
To a gas station
In the middle of the night
For cigarettes though
You know you shouldn't
"Those things'll **** you," they say
"Only if I'm lucky" you mutter
Under your breath
As you walk away

Taylor Nov 2020

Conversations with My Brain

My brain tells me
That I am lazy
To which I respond
I am trying my best

Your best isn't good enough
It says back
It's your best too
Is all I can come up with

We have to do this
I tell my brain, frantic
I'm too overwhelmed
It replies

It will only get worse
I plead
My brain doesn't respond
I lay in my bed

My brain shows me
Painful images
I don't want to see those
I cry, begging them to go away

We have to do this
It says matter of factly
I do not respond with words
Only sobs

#depression #anxiety #executivedysfunction

Taylor Aug 2019

Reste en Vie

I feel too much
Or I feel nothing
Bouncing from one extreme
To the other
Like a basketball
Never spending much time
In the middle
I self-medicate
when I feel too much
I dig into my skin
When I need to feel
Something to know
That I am alive

I write to cope
Dig my pen into paper
Instead of digging
Razor blades in my skin
When the words flow
I know that I am alive
That this feeling
Is temporary
And so I stay alive
Clinging to words
As a life preserver
To a drowning man

#depression #selfharm #stay #alive

Taylor Aug 2019

Plastic Roses

Sometimes I like to be sad
I listen to depressing music
Read depressing poetry
Because, even though it was likely hours ago,
I can't remember when I was happy last
It feels like years since I felt joy
Or anything at all
And it is so much easier to bring back
The saddest feelings of pain
Than to find a way to be happy again
Happiness fades like a withering rose
Here for a fleeting moment and then gone
But sadness lingers like a plastic rose
It never truly goes away
Just sits in a landfill
Full of bittersweet decay

#depression #sadness #numb

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