death was rest. rest is what she craved. but until she found peace. she would never find rest. she feared what death would bring but was dying to know. there was no pun in that though she smiled to herself thinking of it. for a moment she felt clever. a sigh left her lips. she had a long day. she needed to breathe. she wonder for the souls that found no peace if they ever got to breathe or have rest. or if they were forever stressed and upset. she tensed up, her bones seems to become one. she didn’t want that. she needed peace in herself to make it in such a life as this.

I am so nervous and excited all at once
I start school tomorrow
I hope I can navigate my way through the site for my on line classes
I hope I will quickly learn what I need to
I yearn to attain new knowledge
I will need to get more organized
I can not disguise that I am not a morning person
I hope with my morning cup of coffee I can make it through
I will need to dust off my thinking cap and resist the temptation to take a nap
I will wipe the cobwebs off my mind and armed with determination everything should work out fine  
I am grateful for the new adventure

Someone has been churning butter in my stomach
And sometimes I wish to stab a knife into me and tear out this awful feeling
Because it happens daily
But more recently, it happens hourly
And the churning butter bends and twists my stomach out of place
And my heart loses oxygen hundreds of times a day
And my face goes pale with discomfort
And I can't put a cast on and sit out during gym class
It's not an injury
It's not a problem
It's not
a problem
It's
Not
A
Problem
It's just
How I live
And the churning butter
is what I live with daily
But more recently,
hourly

To me it feels like a worm
Wiggling its way
Through my bloodstream,
Making it icy and cold
And my heart turn
To frigid emotion.

It makes its way into my
Mind,
Slowing the thoughts
In some parts,
But giving the other parts,
The nervous parts,
The parts that hyperventilate
And have panic attacks,
Caffiene.

Breathing gets hard
Because
I'm underwater,
Or underground.
Buried alive,
Or sinking slowly.

I.
Can't.
Breathe.

The worm,
The worst part about the worm?
It feeds on my life.

My hands are getting shaky
My heart is beating fast
I really just want out of here
How long will this last

I hear some people laughing 
I bet it's right at me
I tried to look my very best
Is there something I can't see

My head is getting dizzy
My lip squeezed beneath my teeth
I wish I had my hoodie
Something to hide beneath

I heard somebody say my name
Oh please don't make me talk
Maybe they won't notice me
If away from them I walk

My hands are getting kinda shy
So I pull down my sleeves
My lungs are getting kinda stuffy
I really want to leave

They're looking in my direction
Guys, staring isn't nice
I know I'm not the prettiest
I cried about it last night 

I become a little more frantic 
I can't speak even if I try
I'd do anything to get away
Even if it means I have to die

My breathing's wrong.
This pattern inside me
isn't my rhythm.
You've got all the control
& I'm programmed to rise & fall
just from a single phrase of yours
and
I wish I could even try
to get this heart to knock on rib doors
build some courage up
to
whisper truths between the
sliver membranes so I can
try & balance out the breathing
and get a grip on reality
cause I'm almost outta that conscious-land
& I don't know
this man
he keeps bringing me to hell & heaven...
then back
with just his text.

(c) 2014

Upon the eve of my demise I was so enchanted
that I could not quite surmise what my mind spied.
Moments later I grew surprised as I realized it was you
My darling, my dear, my sweet. I know you, though you may deny
the old sorrow by which we cried. Upon this play you've cast,
upon my life our souls intertwined.  and eventually your breath too.

A poem of love, or so I am told, is the greatest cure for this willow.
A moment of sorrow, or so I am told, is the medicine I do seek.
A lifetime of regret, I require to ****, as I weep into this pillow.
A hand of warmth, is all I asked, as my spirit begins to grow meek.