I don't like that I'm falling in love with you.
I'm vulnerable. Greedy.
You don't leave my mind,
But I don't enter yours.

I'm confused, and tired.
Tired of waiting.
Trying to not seem desperate.
But I am.

Lonely is something people run from.
Exactly opposite of what they need.
Maybe I should run.
Run from myself.

Something to separate me, from the separation
All these connections, further isolation
Needing, wanting, lunch inside my belly slowly churning
Reaching, yearning, loss, the most painful learning
No
Such
Host
Is
Known
You left me and felt no need to explain
Which blemish ran you off, which flaw, which stain?
My eyes, starving and morose, peer up to meet your gaze
Suddenly unstable when I recognize your craze
No
Such
Host
Is
Known
Your **** eating grin, your pupils fully dilated
Now that my body has been irrevocably violated
I wanted *** and I still do
But now I know I don't ever want to have it with you
No
Such
Host
Is
Known
I blinded myself with desire, and desperate delusion
Aching for love, ***, society, Inclusion!
I'm a parasite, needy, attached, Like a barnacle I cling
Your just another lecher looking for another fling
No
Such
Host
Is
Known

...on my self-worth:

I am worthless, or close to it
I twist my self-worth to depend on the people I care about, so the smallest, most unintentional slight is taken with too much sensitivity
I don't deserve to be cared for
I am *****, and bad
I am at fault

...on my relationships:

I trust people I shouldn't too quickly, and people I should, not enough
I am emotionally needy, seeking constant reassurance that someone cares
At the same time, I push people away, testing their caring
Relationships with my parents are superficial
Relationships with my young siblings...were strained; now, they are better, but I am still unsure about how they really feel toward me

...on my views about ***:

*** is easily used for power
*** is easily made to be about control
*** is painful and causes guilt
*** is a way to make people want and/or need you, to make them want to be close to you

...on my life in positive ways- what strengths have I gained?*

+For all my emotional neediness, I am pretty self-sufficient- I know how to run a household and take care of a family
I am compassionate and empathetic
I am not broken, even with all I have been through- this shows me that I am strong
I know how not to parent

Its as if there is a vice grip
On my heart
And every time you kiss me
It squeezes me harder and harder
I feel stuck and safe
You're constantly there
Around my heart
And you know the power you hold
You know I am
As needy as an infant
As a senile old woman
As a *******
I need you to constantly tell me
"I love you I love you"
So I know you won't leave me
And if you do
I can hold that against you
That you love me
And my constant needing pushes you away
And I am just sorry that I am like this