You’ve overfed me everything you had at your disposable
Staring up at me as I’m hanging from the ceiling.
Chocolate, syrup, honey, lollipops.
My belly’s rumbling.
It’s scaring me.
Sweat continues to wash over my pale face.
With trembling hands I try to tear my stomach open by myself.
And there you are waving a bat right underneath my feet.
“Blindfold on or off?” You ask amusingly with a growing grin.
The black fabric peaking from your pocket which you ignore to take out.
I’ve lost. My mouth sewn shut. I can’t be saved now.
I mumble uncontrollably as you raise for the first blow.
It hurts, my whole body is ringing of burning pain, as I swing around fast side to side.
You spin for another blow with your eyes closed this time.
You miss.
You do it again, eyes open.
Pain explodes faster everywhere.
I’m muffling praying to fall any second now.
“COME ON YOU’RE GREEEDY YOU KNOW THAT?!!” He shouts jumping from below.
“OPEN UP!! GIVE ME SOME!!! I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING AND YOU DON’T SHARE??”
Tears are falling. I’m the one at fault. I’m the empath and you’ll do anything to make me feel this way, no matter what I do, it won’t be enough.
You overfed me and I ate so it was my fault.
You tried getting it all back but couldn’t expel it out of me so it was my fault.
You did your part, and all I did was intervene.
It’s all my fault.
It’s not you.
It’s all me.

I am angry.
I am angry that my body fought to fill my flesh, to be enough for you.
My heart - it knew.
It knew in the way it sank, heavy in my stomach,
Weighted by every critical word.
And when I told you, stop, please stop, it hurts,
You mocked me. You made me the victim.
Told me I wasn’t strong enough,
That your words were not sticks and stones,
That they could not break my bones.
But they broke.

I look back at every time I begged -
Please, just see me.
Don’t compare me to others.
Don’t talk down to me.
Don’t make me small.
Don’t use words you wouldn’t say to a friend.
But they spilled like chemicals,
and they burned.
I pleaded - Please stop, it hurts,
and you refused.
Even as I whispered I’m sorry when I wasn’t wrong and you weren’t right,
Even when my feelings were real,
You twisted my words until I doubted what I knew.

Now, I lay in bed, restless.
Your voice still lingers, gnawing at the edges of my thoughts.
Why did I have to fight just to be?
Did you ever even love me?

I want to lock my body away, never let a man touch me again.
I fight because I can still feel your hands on my skin.
And when I kissed your lips, I betrayed my own.
Your lips scorned and scolded,
Spat profanities, but I forgave.
I forgave, and I moved with you in love.
I placed my hands in yours,
Caressed your palms,
Shared breaths with breaths,
Rose and fell with you.
And how we rose.
And how we fell.

And I let you come inside.
I let you come inside.

I dusted off my corners,
Showed you my trinkets and knickknacks,
Pieces I saved for special moments -
Like falling in love.

I trusted you.
I pulled the box from beneath my bed,
Let you see the things I kept hid,
The imperfect parts you didn’t want to know.
I showed them to you because I needed you to see me - whole.

I saw more scorn in your eyes,
Transforming into my protected inner child,
The familiar way you looked down on me,
As if I was something rotting, covered in flies.
I had laid myself bare -
All my beauty, all my brokenness -
And you judged.

So I gathered those pieces, swept them away,
Let them fall into the dustpan,
Tossed them out, one by one,
Until there was nothing left to critique.
Until there was nothing left of me.

Except the one I protect inside,
Who felt the trembling as his mother cried.
Who heard your words in screaming rage,
That pierced through like knives.

And I am angry.

You think your words are silver threads,
Spinning lies and feeding your dread.
A smile so sweet, a voice so kind,
But I’ve seen the darkness in your mind.

You wear the mask of endless charm,
To lure and trap, to do no harm.
You crave control, you seek the stage,
A puppet master in your cage.

You play the part, you act the friend,
But all you seek is your own end.
A tale of pain, a sad disguise,
But I know the truth behind your eyes.

Your tactics tried, your charm rehearsed,
But I’ve seen the curse you’ve placed on words.
You live to feed your empty pride,
To pull the strings and twist the tide.

You cannot fool me with your game,
Your broken acts, your false acclaim.
I see you, I know your move,
And no, I will not fall for you.

So try again, play out your scheme,
But know this truth: you’re not my dream.
Your reach is weak, your touch will break,
For you can never own my fate.

Do you ever stop to feel the weight,

Of the shadows you cast, the lives you take?

A kingdom built on muffled cries of anguish,

Where trust dissolves, and hope will vanish.

Each stone cemented by love in vain,

A throne of thorns where you stake your claim.

You painted yourself as my guiding light,

A savior who turned my wrongs to right.

With words like honey, you first drew me near,

Promising safety, erasing fear.

But behind the mask, your motives lay,

To take, to drain, to lead astray.

Initially, you showered me with gifts and praise,

A dazzling sun in my darkest days.

With every touch, every glance, you cast a spell,

A tale of love you wove so well.

But beneath the surface, cracks would show,

A fragile facade, a dangerous glow.

Your charm was a weapon, your kindness a snare,

A puppet master feigning care.

You mirrored my dreams, reflected my soul,

Only to shatter it, and take control.

The warnings were whispers I chose to ignore,

Lost in the rush of your grand encore.

You fed me visions of perfect bliss,

Each promise sealed with a fleeting kiss.

Yet shadows lingered in your embrace,

Hints of the darkness I couldn't face.

Your love was a storm dressed as the sky,

A whirlwind of sweetness, a hidden lie.

Now I see through the glittering haze,

The way you trapped me in your maze.

Only three months in, your mask began to slip,

Your words grew sharp, your kindness flipped.

Disrespect for women laced your tone,

A twisted king on a fractured throne.

You spoke of love but mocked my name,

Fueling the fire, stoking the flame.

You spewed gaslighted truths, I questioned my mind;

I was lost in a labyrinth you’d designed.

Every tear was met with disdain,

A cycle of cruelty, a haunting refrain.

Your jokes were daggers cloaked in jest,

Cutting deep where I tried my best.

The gaslight burned, distorting the night,

Leaving me desperate to prove I was right.

I saw the cracks, but you spun the blame,

Turning my fears into a cruel game.

"You're too sensitive," you'd always declare,

As if my pain was yours to compare.

In three short months, the facade fell apart,

Revealing the void where you kept your heart.

I gathered my strength, and decided to break free,

Convinced I deserved more than your cruelty.

I packed up my heart, my shattered resolve,

Thinking this time, the problem’s solved.

But you'd follow with guilt, a masterful art,

Your tears a weapon to pull me apart.

“I need you,” you’d whisper, “I’ll change, you’ll see,”

And again, you knew I’d believe in the fantasy.

The cycle repeated, a toxic refrain,

Hope resurrected, then shattered again.

Though I slipped away, no longer in chains,

You still acted as if I wore your name.

You played my empathy like a violin,

Twisting my kindness to let you back in.

Each time I ran, you’d pull me back tight,

A push and pull, a never-ending fight.

I knew I deserved a love that was pure,

But your deception made my heart unsure.

I truly longed for relief and release,

But your guilt held me captive, stealing my peace.

I lived in your shadow, tethered by lies,

Lost in the storm you brought to my skies.

You bled me dry of my joy and my light,

Draining the self-love that gave me my fight.

I cared for you, and I loved you still,

But never in the way that real love fulfills.

It wasn’t passion, nor hearts set ablaze,

But hope in the man behind your charade.

You never loved me; your heart was a guise,

A tool to secure what your ego prized.

All you wanted was a son to bear,

Your hollow name, your family’s heir.

Your love was a cage, your plans a snare,

A selfish pursuit, devoid of care.

So delusional: You thought I’d marry you and give in to your game;

You thought I'd sacrifice myself to bolster your name.

You saw me as nothing but a willing womb,

A vessel to carry your family’s bloom.

But I was never a pawn in your selfish desire,

I was never a spark to feed your dwindling fire.

You never even cared who, just needed the deed,

A son to fulfill your inherited greed.

How foolish you were to think I’d comply,

To live for your goals, to let myself die.

You underestimated the strength I wield,

A heart unbroken, a soul unconcealed.

Your intellect faltered, your brilliance a fraud,

Revealing a coward, unworthy of laud.

You’ll never trap me; I’ve severed the ties,

Exposing the truth beneath all your lies.

Even without love or a title, you thought I was yours,

Claiming my life, locking all of the doors.

You fancied yourself a god of my fate,

Blind to the strength that would seal your state.

Your narcissism spun its tangled thread,

A throne of delusion inside your head.

But I was never yours; I broke your snare,

A hollow man, left grasping at air.

In those last six months, the truth was clear,

I saw your games and escaped your sphere.

I loved myself more with each step away,

Reclaiming the light you stole each day.

Your name, your touch, no longer define,

The woman I am, this strength is mine.

You sought to trap me, to make me your own,

But I rise unbroken, no longer alone.

I left you behind before the new year began,

To leave you in the past was my final plan.

Now 2025 blooms with self-love and grace,

A future of true love, I’m finally ready to embrace.