I never fully understood the meaning of the  word “mourn” until this year -
To truly feel the loss of another concentrated in its purest form.

I never believed when others would say
“I miss you more, in  each and every day” or
“There’s not an hour goes by, without a thought of you on my mind”
As if Loss is an unforgotten constant in the trails of the trivial,
We are only human after all.

But I was naive, through and through.
Loss never leaves your side once you meet
Loss is a friend for life.
The kind that shows their face in the most unpredictable moments,
Who never fades away or falls out,
Becoming more aquatinted as we go through life.

Loss is selfish, wanting our undivided attention,
Expecting us to indulge in its deep dark thoughts with strong pretension.

Loss is harsh, not hiding nor sugarcoating any enemy attack,
Facing us with the reality of control and just how much we lack.

Loss is bitter, Loss is unkind
Loss is a thief, stealing our piece of mind.

Loss is jealous, Loss is sly.
Is it absent of Love,
Or has Love left it’s side?

The lights stretch back for miles, hollow stares
all trained toward the twisted, shattered steel,
waved on in pairs and threes like visitation lines
at ******'s speed, slow enough for a glimpse,
high enough for everyone to get a turn.
The night turns every shade of paint black,
each window to a tinted mourner's veil,
glass shards strewn by an uncaring hand
to scintillate like starlight in the glare,
sirens wailing away like the bereaved.

It was reddish with the sky all to white
a silent wind hushed the painted day sky
And forward I faced my back towards the night
and I soared with that warm wind ever so high

Up so high where I can breathe so clearly
Fleeing with the storm clouds drawing so near
I attempt to escape my hate hastily
The cleaver draws ever closer to my dear

Flying up to the man's neck with my shear
Without saying goodbye i take my stride
and quickly "He's dead, gone" i clearly hear
Again i take to the wind and the morning
I save time by changing and taking sides

I hope to get home swift before scorning
And go join in the day break aborning

Ring... ring...

Pick up the phone,
Knees chattering,
Where’s my breath,
Oh god,
Ten minutes till my shift,
Kyles dead,
I just hugged him
12 hours prior,
I said goodnight,
I love you,
See you tomorrow,

But for him,
Tomorrow never came,
Why did I answer the phone,
How can I face the space
That you no longer occupy,
Why couldn’t you resist
That sweet high,
I miss you,

Another friend gone to early,
Every hit you took a gamble,
Your bed became your grave,
You sister just got married last
Week,
You were the best man,
This was suppose to be
The happiest time of her life,
Instead of planning her honey moon,
She’s planning your wake,

You never wore anything
Other than black,
Always dressed like
You were going to a funeral,
Now we’re at yours,
It’s a closed casket,
You sister is sobbing,
Your best friend is broken,
Your girlfriend lost her voice,
I’m hoping your body isn’t really
In that box,

You loved jack Daniels,
So that’s what we drank
Until the sun rose
For the first time
Without you,
It’s was August 25th,
I never did go back
For that last shift,
How could I without you?

It’s December now and it’ll
Be your mother’s first Christmas
Without her son,
Your sister has been taking
Care of your girlfriend,
They cling together
So that they don’t succumb
To the numb,
It’ll be the first time in three
Years I spend New Years
Without you,
Your best friend moved away,
It was too painful to stay,
Cause every place in town
Feels empty without you,

We don’t go to grand central anymore,
Cause it was your favorite bar,
And the memories are still too fresh,
God ****** Kyle,
Why didn’t you tell us you had an addiction,
God ******,
Why didn’t we notice
Until August 25th.

She is with you Sir,
But you pummel her so.
It has been five years.
Torturous, agonizing
She is without child.
You know she cries herself to sleep?

For only you and child,
Her heart bleeds.
No longer red
Black blood she bleeds.
Every night you try
She cries, she pleads.
Yet she is without child.

It's safe to say her name
Has changed for love this cannot be.
You made her hatred thick.
A blade she
Takes, she draws in big -
Block. Words. 'SORRY'

I hope she doesn't strike
That vein. May not, she may.
She prays endlessly to Hera.
Her heart is dead,
Her soul is red.
A furnace for her spirit.

Hera take pity on thy soul;
Take this ache away.
Here again you pummel her so.

Bright light and now-
She sits before the King's feet.

On bended knee,
Gabriel by her side.
He dried her eyes.
'Don't cry my child-
For you are now home'
The right side thief
Looked down on she
'You are with The Father, your mother
And father.

Do you now see thou cruel
Sir? You granted her a wish.
Something she never asked you for.
She looks down on you
And now she smiles. Her ex-
Husband, lover, friend has made her happy again.

Do you now see thou cruel
Sir? You shall live in guilt.

I see you in the stars

I hear you in the rain

I feel you in a warm summer breeze

I hear your laugh in the falling pine needles

And I’m every wind chime

I see your smile in every shiny trinket

I taste your memory in apples

And in hot chocolate

And in pancakes that are slightly crispy around the edges

You’re in every Christmas song

You’re in every tear I cry

You’re in every bird call

And in every shimmering lake

He won’t get another chance this time.
I’ll mourn.
Let him haunt me in fragments of memories.
A ghost. A whisper on the wind.
I need to burn sage. Perform an exorcism. Expel him and his voice and his smile, from my mind and my heart.

missing you comes in waves
and i drown in them every time