Scars.
Scars kiss my flesh.
I know me. You don't.

Stop telling me who I am.

I smile-
I laugh too-
Looking at these scars.

You say I'm crazy
Because of it. What if I am?
I'm a happily crazed child.
I am strong because my scars
Remind me of how much weight I have carried, I can carry.

My heart may say feeble
But my mind say power, strength, hope.

You choose what you want
Your mind will say to you.
I choose what mine will say.

Scars.
Scars kiss my flesh.
I know me but you don't.

My scars remind me of my
Survival.
Tell me to keep surviving. Breathe..

My scars,
My mind-
Help me to
Breathe.

Countless times have I
Pictured myself and you.
That we may,
That we might
Have our confessions.

My "friend", "blood"
I watched you take
Your last breath, red-
Running, pouring shamelessly-
Lively out your mouth.

I feel tears run down
My cheeks. Why?
We were never close. A barrier
Always forbade connection.
I always pictured us sorting
Through our issues. Why and How we were what we were.
How our ship in this relation sank.
Why our jigsaw never fit.

Yet I cry and feel emotions.
Maybe I loved you despite my
Hatred. Despite being disowned
And abandoned.

I have had visions of us
Confessing, professing love.
That I would forgive you all
The way, not just half.
But I have forgiven thee yet
I feel like my hatred stays.

I mourn you and what
This relation on our ship-
Could have been. That we were
Denied and unable to connect
Our plugs.

I mourn you. I mourn me.
I mourn you and me. Together.
Die in peace my "friend", "blood"
Know I never only despised-
But I loved, love you. .

Go in peace for we shall meet
Again.
Dear "friend",
Dear "blood".

He drinks me in
With his ocean orbs.
A lovely protruding gaze.
I'd give anything, to have him
For all I could care, he could
Have my flesh, my soul,
My breath. He could-
Steal my heart and make it
His. Permission I would give.
Just to have him look
At me.
An endless wish.
To have him consume me.

A never ending maze.
A soul so pure and true.
Speckles pamper his
Cheeks in adoration.
I'd kiss those cheeks.
Peck those lips. Even
Bite them too.
Such ripe succulent fruits.

Once upon a dream,
All I was, could be was-
Calm and one with serenity.
I had no such extent of
Hatred. Neither was
I so vengeful.

Once upon a dream,
I would be a melody maker, Known on screen, nurse.

Once upon reality,
I saw a light that pulled my arm.
Vengeance was my name.
Anger was my heart and-
Evil, my head.

But.

Forgiveness sought my being,
In all shape and form.
Now I rest at peace.

I right my wrongs.
Wisdom is my name.
Love is my heart and-
Peace, my head.

All I have is an
Overflowing cauldron.
My rage knows no bounds.
I refuse to put a
Cork on it.

Too many times have I
Let you walk over me.
My love has become my
Weakness.

Once I drowned in the pools
Of my own sadness.
Now I bask in the adrenaline of
My rage. I succumb-
To these thoughts of evil.

Regret knows me not.
Forgiveness died in the
War with my rage.

Surely but gladly,
Your head I will lay down-
On the softest of cotton.
I will read scriptures for the Goodness there once was
Of you.

Then Psalms will I say,
In all my fury for you.

Your door I will close peacefully, As the second to last
Of your chapter.
I'll talk to your shiny black door,
Then.....
I'll lay you down in that which  You came from.
A thick brownish-red blanket
Will give you warmth but
Give you a taste of coldness.

I'll smile as if I know
Not who the culprit is.
Your chapter has ended.
From above comes
Crying.

Why weep for someone evil?

I walk away with nothing but an Abyss in my chest.

Sometimes it's a rush.
It's energetic to feel,
All at once.

Yet, I want to restrain
From such vulnerability.
Detachment I seek.

I find no shelter.
When I feel, I loathe
Such weaknesses.

Yet, when I feel not-
Even the slightest *****,
I curse at such barriers.

"Forbid me not, to feel."

I am my own enemy
In this psychological state.

I let darkness engulf me.
Whole.

Sometimes it's a rush.
It's energetic to feel,
All at once.

I feel it in my veins,
My blood. Yet, somehow,
I fail to fathom,
How I have come to love,
But come to despise-
Feeling.

Crazy you may call me or
Maybe challenged-
But I understand at some point.
I fail to comprehend at the same time.

Maybe that's a sign,
That I need help,
Relief from my foe.
Me. Myself.
In this
Psychological state

One main thing I-
Fail to understand is how
Someone so intelligent
Can feel so devoid
Of knowledge.

Is because he regards your
Input on him sir?
Could it be that he values your
Opinion so much?

Are you that important to
A life worth as much as his?
How did you acquire such
Great importance to make
One of the most knowledgeable
Feel so worthless?

What a wonder this is to me.