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Elena M 4d
I’m no longer 18,
No longer a girl with a smile,
No longer dreaming of a prince,

Nor do I dream of imaginary films
Where life is perfect —
Does this thought even make sense?

Mother, happiness in a small packet.

I’m no longer 18,
Marks on my skin —
Not in the sky.
I crave coffee —
Not bitter, but sweet.
Can I forgive myself,
Even as my words ache?

The bird of self boards the boat —
and I sink.

Mother, I’m no longer 18 —
Forgive me,
How much have I grown
Beneath your watchful eyes?
And no, I’m not 18 —
Because I am 24.
Bitterness.
A poem of mine.
Jakub Oct 6
Mother, save your sorrow ‘cause the worst is yet to come,
Sorry that I’m fading, I can’t face another sun,
Mother, save your sorrow ‘cause the worst is yet to come,
I’ll be somewhere peaceful where the hurting’s finally done.
She spoons the silence like medicine, slow --
into the mouth of a man who once laughed,
once ran through storms and didn't get wet.
Now he lies still,
wrapped in smoke-stained defiance,
eyes dulled by the ritual of decay.

She folds his laundry like prayers,
each shirt a plea.

::Please live::

Each sock a whisper.

::Please see me::

But he hears only the music
of his own undoing,
a symphony of rusted veins and wasted chances.

The doctors left their warnings at the door --
he used them to light another cigarette.

::She watched::

Her hands, once fierce with hope,
trembled like leaves too long in winter.
Love has no instruction
for the hospice of the living.

She's buried pieces of him
in every pill ignored, every meal untouched.
She's the mourner of a man not yet dead --
a ghost tied to flesh by habit and name.

At night, she dreams of locking the fridge,
flushing the liquor,
screaming until the truth pierces the sickness
like sunlight through a boarded window.
But dawn always comes too gentle,
and she, always too afraid
to watch him break all over again.

He smiles sometimes --
crooked, tired, defiant.
"I'm fine, Ma Ma."

::She nods::

Because the lie is warmer
than the cold truth,
She's feeding ghosts
in a house where love
can't keep anyone alive.

But madness is not a scream --
it's a lullaby sung too long,
rocking the cradle of grief
long after the child has grown into ruin.
She talks to the walls now,
asks the dishes why they bother being clean,
asks the mirror if it's seen her son
somewhere inside those eyes.

Her prayers have turned bitter --
not for healing anymore,
but for mercy in forgetting.
For an end to the waiting,
to the twitch of hope
that poisons every breath she takes.
She curses the love
that won't let her walk away,
and the guilt that brands her heels
when she tries.

Sometimes she watches him sleep --
his breath shallow,
his skin pale like old wax --
and wonders if tonight
will be the night.
If God will finally answer
the question she's too ashamed to ask.

She's become the shadow behind the door,
the whisper in the hallway,
the mother of a man who is dying
by choice,
and she,
by watching.

© Dark Water Diaries
For my son, I love him to the moon and back and back again. Forever. Infinity. I can't imagine his thoughts, his pain. I only know they be must be deep. I wish I could pull him out, keep him safe, keep him here with me.
Reece Oct 2
She deserves far better,
Than this world could ever give her.
Her spirit, light as a feather,
She’s dealt with plenty of stormy weather.
Yet she’s still standing,
Created a family,
Created me.

The pain from her own body,
Like life’s trying to handicap her mind.
She doesn’t deserve the hurt,
Or the worthless “workers” at her work.
She deserves far better,
Than they could ever give her.
If life were perfect,
Her hard work would be rewarded,
In full,
No half-measures or coercion.

She deserves a son she can be proud of,
I hope that I am that to her.
Because sometimes, I can convince myself that,
She’d be better off as someone else’s mother.
She deserves a son who’s outgoing,
One who’s willing to take risks,
One who doesn’t see a single mistake,
And consider himself a problem he cannot fix.
She deserves a son who’s happy,
Without it being fake.
I wish I could be what she believes I can,
But I don’t believe I can.

I know she worries about me,
The path of loneliness is one that we share.
I wish I could convince her I’m okay,
But could I lie to her and myself?

She deserves far more than I can give her,
She deserves more than the world could ever offer.
She deserves everything I could ever be,
And she deserves far better than me…
My mother isn't overbearing or anything like that. I just feel an urge not to disappoint her, which leads to a lot of pressure I put upon myself, not to mention the pressure that's a given. Yet, another strange paradox of mine.
Nanu Sep 30
You are too good for me
Maybe I should leave me,
But
how…
how can I
When I see how you love me,
How you care for me?

Maybe it's my selfishness
To hold you,
And maybe my helplessness too.

But all I can do
Is try
To be best of myself
For you.
They bore thee not in ease, but in crucible flame,
Nine moons of tempest, no laurels, no fame.  
Mood-swung maelstroms, spine cleft by steel,
Yet she bore thy breath no barter, no deal.

Anesthetic hush, then blade’s cruel hymn,
Scissor-born silence, backache grim.  
She sits not in solace, nor lies in grace,
Her vertebrae chant thy name in trace.

Father, the silent steward of coin and creed,
Barters his breath for thy school-need.  
He eats last, dreams less, buys none but thee,
Yet thou trade his love for a boy’s decree.

We, the heirs of sacrificial lore,
Sell legacy for lust, and ask no more.  
Hide truths in shadow, veil hearts in guile,
For a fleeting flame that lasts a while.

Doth he thy paramour, thy fevered muse  
Know thy soul’s ache, thy silent bruise?  
Will he rise at dawn to fetch thy cure,
Or vanish at dusk, love insecure?

Parents primordial poets of pain
Are cast to margins, cold disdain.  
We rage at their rebuke, spit at their plea,
Yet kneel to a lover’s tyranny.

When mother weeps, we turn our face,
But for a boyfriend’s silence, we lose grace.  
We beg, we bend, we break, we bleed
Yet for our parents, we sow no seed.

Shame be thy shroud, betrayal thy crown,
Where womb-born bonds are cast down.  
No lover’s touch, no whispered vow,
Can match the love they gave till now.

So let this verse be thy dirge, thy flame,
For children who forget their name.  
Return to the roots, the sacred tree
For none shall love as endlessly.
This poem is a dirge for forgotten roots — a lament for children who trade unconditional love for fleeting romance, who rage at parental care yet kneel to the whims of temporary affection. It honors the pain, sacrifice, and silent devotion of parents, especially mothers whose bodies bear the cost and fathers whose dreams are bartered for their children’s futures. A call to remember, to return, to revere.
vik Sep 7
i’ve been striding
this street for many a days,
but its grit tallowed dysthymia,
for mist thick enough to stifle noise
for mist thick enough to hide the Suns,

the cables hang,
entangled, taut!
your fingers, i cannot reach

o, my Creator

here lies the room in wait,
as clothes strewn as seiche-borne
meet a meagre bed of Dionysian dreams,
the wall slumps, tongue-tied, and i am
yet again
enduring haar that never soars.

just how much of me curls toward you,
and how much snaps away?
this street writhes before me,
smothered, sluggard, buggered,
its end inferred in grueling smog
this burden answers nothing
                                   *save the only question that matters,
                                     how much,
                                    am i shaped by thee,
                                                           ­              mother?
?
Heavy Hearted Sep 30
and not for me but for my dad
the father which, for granted had
taken by his family,
both his sons and wife known lovingly

by the single candles light
the messages I've scribbled down
silent, they read, and so despite
the darkness of a moonless night

Who we are now, being the toll taken
on behalf and of each moment acquired
transformations take place, until we cease to be
in the positions symptomatic of what we desired.
Written to Anna Von Hausswolf's song of the same title.
Rudo Sep 27
Tyres scratching the gravel
Skin taking over from the cool breeze
Clothes rubbing me back into existence
Everywhere I should feel warm
your cold heart stains
I can't lose you
Something I never had
Here we are
Dissolution
At the boundary that makes you you
And me chosen, without you
Yes, you gave birth to me
But guess what?
I had to rebirth me twice
Your love wasn't good enough
It turned out Mine was!
Rudo Sep 25
I can't speak the truth that feeds on my wounds
I can't say because I survive on his provision
My voice doesn't matter, who will value me
I weep inwards, salting this bitterness
I go crazy because I can never be truly free

I loop in his betrayal
To my heart
my mind
my soul
...
my body
I was evicted out of the only safe harbour I had

Grandma said no grandpa!
Our bodies and voices are being harvested by our own!
They are yours, for your pleasure only
At our expense you've found your glory
Inherited this suffering because you did anyway

To survive, we gaslight ourselves

I can't bare to continue to live with this truth
So I breathe from lies
I put on my glasses to bypass this irk
My kids need me
My kids need to survive this monster
Let me be brave
Let me be brave just enough to live on these lies
Because their lives depend on it!
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