Honestly I'm done trying to get somebody to love me
You have hurt me beyond imaginable
I have cried myself to sleep every night for the past week and a half
There are times when I'm sobbing and the only thing I can think of is you
How you smiledd when you saw me
They way you hugged me
How my name sounded on your lips
You always said you loved my smile and now I can't even smile
The jokes you cracked
How you tried to get me to stop chain smoking cigarettes
I remember when I had a complete breakdown and was drunk in the abandon theater breaking **** and nobody could calm me down and all you did was come an hug me and I started to breathe
Now you look at her
Not me
You can't evn talk to me
No matter how angry I am
I still sit in class quite and fiddle with the ring you gave me
You want it back
I don't know if I can give it back with crying
It's the last thing I physically have of you
All I would have left is the memories
And the small things I notice that made me fall in love with you

When I'm around you I couldn't trust my mouth, because they just stutter.
When I'm around you I barely reach out to touch because I quiver.

When I'm around you I always remind myself to breathe cause for some reason my lungs don't work,
When I'm around you my brain is in overdrive, I overthink and act like a dork.

When I'm around you my eyes see better, and I feast at every inch of you,
When I'm around you I can't stop smiling and I'm no more blue.

When I'm around you hours seems seconds and my world stops,
I just want to be here beside you, and force myself to not check the clock.

I can never quite decide if I miss you more when you are away or sitting next to me.

When we are parted I feel it as an ache,
a permanent tightness of the chest,
a shallowness of breath:
I cannot fill my lungs if not with you.
I go about my day distracted,
spending half my time imagining you by my side.

But when you are beside me it is an entirely different, subtle, kind of pain.
An unrelenting itch to touch you,
hold you,
feel you,
anything other than just sitting here pretending everything is normal.
It is as if you held a magnet next to a paper clip and told the paper clip not to move
that is how I feel sitting beside you,
too close, but never close enough.

So if I ever seem distracted as you talk,
darling please forgive me.
Simply know that your lips have entranced me so,
that with every movement,
every carefully choose word,
every articulated phase,
I find my self using all of my willpower not
to lean forward and kiss them.

I remember the Space Oddity the melodic timber of your voice.
Taking me away in the most peculiar way.
Floating in a sea of distant different stars.
Stepping through the door of possibilities.

No longer in a tin of insecurity on whether I dressed as a boy or a girl.
Rebelling the notion of self expression as a taboo.
In those golden moments I was free.
No longer running the labyrinth of normality
Where dreams were not reality
You were my Hero, for more than one day.

Changing with time, one step ahead of the rest.
Thank you Lazarus for taking us past the Black Star.

you know it's hard
falling asleep at night
with all these thoughts
swarming in my head
remembering all our memories
all our late night talks
and I just lay here
wanting it all back
wanting my happiness back
wanting you back

When I miss you,
I feel a tingle down my spine
The kind you'd caress with your finger
As you show me you're mine

When I miss you,
I hear the rustle of an autumn leaf
Scraping on the pavements we walked
As you'd started to become my heart thief

When I miss you,
I look into the mirror and see
The pixels of definition the reflection encompasses
As identical and truthful as you = me