Has my skin turned into chainmail,
Or am I just heavy with missing you

My hands shake, how could they not
without you to hold them steady

Has my heart turned into a ghost,
Or did it just sneak off to be with you

My mind wanders, how could it not
without your heart to be my North Star

I am a fool,
Waiting for your return
Every time you leave.
I pretend to ignore you.
Sitting here patiently waiting
For you to come back.
The things said that aren't meant.
The way you turn your back,
The last word before storming out the door.
I am a fool.
Leaving the door unlocked.
Waiting for your return.
I should be happy with pretending.
The breath of fresh air that soon misses your face.
I'll be a fool
I'll be a fool to lock the door.
I'll be a fool to call knowing you'd press ignore.
The things said that aren't meant.
The anticipation that waits for that door to open.
Nowhere to go.
I am a fool, standing by the door.
I've run out of things to do.
Waiting on you to come back.
I'll be a fool to ignore what's in plain sight.
I'll be a fool

I thought I would never see you again
I convinced myself I didn't want to
I knew it was a lie
Every time I breathed those thoughts
And then I saw you again

I knew you would remember me
Of course you would
After all the time we spent together
You knew who I was
But had very little memory of what happened
Especially after the first month

I tried to put the pain away
But it burned in my lungs to talk to you
It felt like knives along my skin to touch you
I couldn't breathe
But I pushed through

I thought I'd be mad at you
After what you did
And how you hurt me
I was so sure I'd hate you
But it was as if nothing had happened
As if no time had passed since it was good

I'd consider you my best friend
Sometimes it still hurts
I try to ignore it
Because being your friend
Is worth the pain
At least that's what I tell myself

Sometimes I think I might have fallen for you
Most times I think that's a terrible thing
But I really like you
And you don't like me
And it *****
But I know you can't change your feelings

I think I should try to forget you
I try to not text you ever again
I always fail in under a day
Missing you is so easy
Forgetting you is so hard

I know I should distance myself
I know I need space
I know you need space
I'm aware of what I've done
I've tried
I'm sorry

I'm not strong enough

I love the way your voice sounds at night.
Raspy whispers of the drunken moon.
Asking for the slow and stale
out of bed kisses.
I reach for your lips,
picking up the tastes
of all the dreams we never got around to.
Connecting the dots on your skin,
Little Dipper on your back.
Scars are slowly turning into stars,
and I’m realizing that healing
is easier to do in the dark.

I can’t unwrap myself
from your finger,
heartstrings thinning
as my clutch tightens

I’m afraid that if I let go,
even just a little,
the wind will blow
and like dandelions
dancing in the sky,
I will never be able
to find my way back to you.

Back to the place
I fell in love,
while still learning
to love myself.

Back to safety,
where nothing could touch me
other than your fingers of sin.

I’m starting to forget
the sound of your steps,
and everyday I hope
that I’ll soon be reminded.
But I’m slowly realizing that hearing “I miss you”
doesn’t always mean they’re coming back.

seasons come and go, just as you have. i dig my nails into my sweat stained palms every time I wonder if the July heat was just too much for us to handle. The sun is starting to set earlier with everyday that passes, and I can’t help but realize that we’re fading away alongside the beauty of summer.

// there’s nothing i can do to stop it //

flash flood warning,
I’m bursting at the seams.
you can’t outrun my thunder.
once you hear it
you’re already close enough
to get struck with the aftermath.
there’s no escaping a storm
that embodies you as a whole.
i am a hurricane, trying to break
down the walls i forced you to put up.
but I’m begging you,
please don’t be afraid to touch something
that causes nothing but chaos.

-or should i say hericane?