flee the country
+
flee the pain

take this part of me
+
rewire my brain

An old man walked up
to a great oaken door
and listened to a voice from inside.
It soon stopped, abrupt
as he strained to hear more
and wondered what the silence betides.

He thought he should knock
with a quiet tap of his cane
to ask for admission within,
but paused to take stock
and his ears were strained
as the sweat beaded on his skin.

Then the door was flung wide.
All he saw was a dark
that stretched far out to the deeps
and left him straining his eyes.
Not a sign of a spark
to guide him in taking the leap.

He must make his choice,
to turn back from the black
and return to paths better lit,
or heed the dim voice
that leads down a bleak track
but wear armor that of light is knit.

Take courage, dear friend
as you read these few lines
to take the dark stony road
while girding yourself as you descend
into the depths of the mines
of your fears and what they forebode.

To exist in the present moment
is to exist in contentment
to command no extremities of emotion
and take deep breaths calmly.

I felt content today.
Like I’ve walked along a bay
with fresh salty sea air and
the wind gently pattering my face.

I felt like I’ve stepped along a shore
leaving no trace
in the sand.

Like I’ve welcomed
the embrace of the wild wind.

And, like a child,
laughing and smiling
and tumbling in the crumbling sand
without a care in the world.

Except the present moment.

What makes you wake up in the morning?
Tell me so I can try it
sentence me to a life of living
please, in desperation I plead,
I’ll give you the lead so you can solve
the study of staying alive

be my witness
see me wake up in the morning
continuously

my sentence ends when
I’ve tried each of these reasons
there’s enough to last a lifetime
these reasons become a lifeline

the case of staying alive:
the next best love story ever told
me and the reasons
me and the seasons
me and the unread novel on the shelf
of the public library on the street
that I have yet to live on with
friends I have yet to meet
and a garden I am yet to plant bulbs in
that grow life with
and if
these reasons are ongoing and growing
what’s not to say that these reasons
are ever going to leave me
witness me complete my sentence
of living alive —

Through twisted bars of dark wrought iron
I see the shining golden home.
There once I’d been in my personal Zion
from which I’d freely roam.

But now I note I’ve lost the key
to this imposing gate:
I stand outside, trying hard to see
what caused this change of fate.

When and why did I turn my back
on this inner keep of peace?
How to drop the sackcloth black
and find a new release?

Now I must pull me up
and scale these castle walls
that I myself had built
before I took this fall.

For my sake and for those I love
it’s time to find my way
back to where sounds of cooing doves
becalmed me, come what may.

The air I breathe
Feels like bricks
In my chest

You never stray far
Always shouting
Always screaming

Attention
Attention
Attention
It is what you crave

I pray to break these chains
I pray to be set free
I pray to hear silence from thee

I fall into tragedy
Wishing you to die like Romeo
But never to resurrect like Juliet

Why must it always be you
But never me?

Why must you cling like a leech
******* me dry of all I have to offer
Why must you exist

Why can I not be free
Why can't I be healed
Is it because you stand in my way?

Must I cut these strings?
Must I shear away the pain?
Or forever let you drag me down

Because when I am alone
It is always you and me

But not today