I sit in the pit I call a room, begging death to open the door—
But the door stays closed.


I paint my nails with the red liquid that drips from my eyes,
A chill crawls down my spine, while ashes burn away my last dose.

The voices scream through the walls,
Like nails scratching holes in the silence.
I wander the streets with tinted eyes,
Hearing only one thing—Jump.

Jump, jump, jump—on a jumpingrope through hell,
The devils laugh.

Satan smokes a joint in the corner of my mind,

Watching me like I have already lost it.

Am I in the wrong when everyone else wears the same red liquid?


I’m a ******* for the pain I give myself,
Should I break my skull against Satan’s joint,
Just to bleed and paint my nails again?

To want you is to drown in a self-sought misery.
Yet I take refuge in the halls of your torture chamber.
Gladly would I drown in my own blood if it meant you would never know what it meant to feel thirst.

Do you delight in my suffering?
The more I give, the tighter you tie
your red-laced noose upon my parched neck.

Take me to your Judas' cradle;
dismember me to the heart's fable.
I writhe in pain, with a chelsea grin upon my face,
for through my tears, I am blessed with your sinister grace.

I wait beneath the guillotine,
in hopes that in another life you will find me.

I think you want
To be hurt by me
As most often do

Is this wrong
Every part of me yearns to be broken
I want bones fractured
My muscles torn
I’d like to suffer from a stab wound
Or to be poisoned
Something sick is growing inside me
A flower of masochism
What is this addiction of mine
Why do i long to fall down the stairs
To smoke cigarettes for the damage in my lungs
I’ll break a finger
Cut my hand on a knife
Trip over my own feet in gym
And fall off some sort of ledge
I don't die
I never do
Like the time i overdosed
I just threw up blue
And moved on two days later
In my dreams i am broken
How i wish it true

Your kiss leaves an acid ring that devours my skin
This isn't what I had in mind when you asked me to sin

Your taste is like cold ash sitting on my tongue
You said swallowing fire was supposed to be fun

You tore me apart and never quite pieced me back together
Now I'm hooked on your burn and I'll need it forever

Running your fingers down my arms I lean into your touch
But you always back away and laugh claiming I want too much

I'm addicted to the way your hands mar my flesh
I'm chasing your love like I'm chasing my death

If I could leave you I would but I'm masochistic
If I escaped your torture I know that I'd miss it

Why did I allow you
to crush me over
and over again

When will I
learn to stand
for myself
finally?