My friends are being taken away by my mother...
I get lied to by my brother...
I know that I am not right...
I so wish that I could "see the light"...
But why does everything seem to be so wrong?
Why does everything seem to take so long?
My mom is keeping me from listening to any song...
Which I think is wrong...
Why do I feel so rejected by my own mother?
Why do the things she said make me shudder?
I am confused and mad...
I am angry and sad...
Because I miss my freedom and my best friend...
I just wish that my patience does not end...
Please help me here...
I can't go anywhere...

Running on mad
It’s not the best fuel
Simple interactions
Turn into a duel
Everyone *****
They’re annoying and lazy
They’ll drive me quite nuts
If I’m not already crazy

Running on mad
I know that’s not good
It’s hard to slow down
Even when I should
It’s tough to feel empathy,
Impossible to forgive,
Forget about another shot,
Let’s just live and let live

Running on zen
Or trying to find it
Taking slow breaths
Until I get behind it
Counting to ten
Or even much higher
Until the mad disappears
and I'm no ball of fire


NCL July 2019

Being in love with someone you can't have,
And not just moving on,
Thats crazy! There is no other word for that.

     There is a word for that-
IT'S LOVE!
If you're looking for the word,
That means caring about someone,
Beyond all rationality
And wanting them to have everything they want,
No matter how much it destroys you-
It's love!
And when you love someone,
You just.. you.. you don't stop-
EVER!
Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy,
Even then-
Especially then!!
You just.. you don't give up!
Because if I could give up,
If I could take the whole worlds advice
And move on and find someone else,
That wouldn't be love..
That would be some other disposable thing, that is not worth fighting for,
But that is not what this is.

What can I say
I'm trying to send a message
A few words to portray
Exactly what's going on in my head
Things really aren't clear
I feel a bit dead
I don't know why I'm here
I need to get up, and get ahead
Outpace them all
Like I know I can
Scale the "impossible" wall
An became a woman
I know I'm strong
I know I'm intelligent
I admit when I'm wrong
(can't find a rhyme but you get the hint)
I'm a critical thinker
I see through the lines
But my mind's beginning to splinter
I'm not actually fine
The world's driving me mad
And I'm feeling homicidal
Then  stop feeling bad
For being suicidal
I don't like it here enough
To put up with ****
Lights out like *****
Don't think I tried well I did
Four times in one year
Guess I really wanna get out of here
I spilled one last tear
And knew death was near
First time I cut a tad too deep
Second time I took a little too much Paracetamol
Next I tried to hang myself, failed and felt like a creep
Then I thought a lot about jumping off of walls
Finally I overdosed
I was home alone
No one knows
It hurt a lot
My life flashed before my eyes
I knew I was going to die
Somehow I woke up alive
And now I'm here writing dumb ****...
And thinking about number five

MY "FRIENDS"
(Sponsored by - A conversation between Me,Myself and I)

I am better than this.
I am better than you.
Stop trying to keep sabotaging me.
If i go down then so do you.
Why do you struggle to see?
This....

"My friend this is life as you already know.
You know there is only so long you will be able to keep me at bay.
Only so long until i am free to say...
What i want!
What you can't!
Because of these F* morals you hold on
So tightly to.
But when you do let your guard down..then i
am free to do what you can't.
What you won't"

Stop..just please stop.

There once was a girl who was sad
she wear what is black so to hide
when summer is here the dress,
it calls heat that drenches
these cloth in summer will have her mad.

Your life was a fast track
                                got you under attack
The system is hacked
                                       Some sick act
I'd told you I'd come back
                        I'm too late matter of fact