I'd ask you if it looks real but you're nowhere to be found
     I call your phone
           It rings
   But that's the only ******* sound
       I wonder the man I'd be if you had chose to stick around
             As I'm smoking on these rocks and not the ones thats off the ground
                 The ones that cut deep and not just bare feet
     The kind the police always be searching for with the hounds
        I don't sleep or eat I feel cold in heat
        I can't ******* think unless I'm surrounded by a cloud
      But I start to crack, I'm not safe but claim I've got it on lock
             I was taught how to smoke by the boys up the block
            See they were there in your place and I forgot your face and its to the point the only thing I love is my squad
          I'm done talking to God
          And my dealer won't pick up
          So I keep up the facade my smile is not a mirage and my desert of cracked lips actually budge and the muscles push up and it isn't that hard
          And I'm talking just to myself
          Watching as I grin
          Trying to make a fake into perfection

Clothing made of pure fibres.
Highly visible leather shoes.
Conduct attuned to corporate etiquette.
Words with care they choose.

If you'all are inspired by any.
Then you all should know.
Amongst the men holding ranks high.
Many have stooped very low.

I went from really hi
to very low
in a matter of minutes

They say that once you hit the lowest point in your life you can only go up from there. I swear I've hit so many low points I just keep going lower and lower.

Who decided that "they" knew what "they" were talking about ? Who decides we should just listen to them?

I keep sitting here on this lonely beach imaging a better place... A better time.... But all I hear is the waves crashing against the sand. All I hear is the ocean threatening me with something unknown.

My love for nature grows dim & my fears begin to take over my body. Panic attacks and sleeping so much and so long my body can't react to being awake properly.

I used to be confident and strong.
I used to be in love with love and life.
Now I fear the unknown.
I fear being alone with my thoughts ringing so loudly in my head.

The ocean... There is an ocean inside my head. Filling my ears with water and letting my thoughts and memories drown me alive.

So when do things start looking up? Is it after I've already drowned all my happiness under the sorrow and contempt?

My days are grey, my nights are treacherous
I've spent so long sleeping but paranoid
Too many vices, I chose temperance

Vapid flings give way to the perilous
My slow conversations with life devoid
My days are grey, my nights are treacherous

One edge is straight, a knife, my preference
Trivial suffering makes me avoid
Too many vices, I chose temperance

I've cloaked myself, remain ambiguous
So, in midday, I have tempted the void
My days are grey, my nights are treacherous

No addiction equates to elegance
What is the point in a teen self destroyed
Too many vices, I chose temperance

With depression, I remain decorous
My mind flirts with bloodstains and carcinoids
My days are grey, my nights are treacherous
Too many vices, I chose temperance

Everyday is a long walk through quick sand
The slower the day goes
The deeper
I sink
I have to keep moving or else I end up drowning
And I suffer a fate worse than death
It's knowing I can't fight it
Because the more I do
The lower I go
The deeper
I sink

He said I was amazing,
My eyes now blazing,
I watched as he walked away,
To his home, the Lords bay,
I didn't fit there,
Then where?, I say as I lay
I miss you,
Waiting for these feelings to be through,
But you knew,
You were not with my/our long term view,
For a time you were,
We both concur,
And I knew that the time had come,
But my eyes and head felt numb,
Waiting for the feelings to pass,
The weight feeling like a mass,
Upon my shoulders,
Been hit with a boulder