I could ask you to stay, but really theres nothing left to say.

I gave my all to this and like a rose, you felt only the softness while I bled through holding the thorns.

You made me feel like nobody would ever want me and I started not wanting me.

You also made me the happiest that could be possible by just smiling at me or the way you say that stupid "hi" when I'm mad at you.

All I ever wanted was a text back and maybe some faithfulness. That was too much to ask though, it seems.

Usually physical stuff means nothing but with you every touch felt so pure and wonderful. Your body felt like a puzzle piece that fit perfectly against mine.

Yet i know being a secret is not what I deserve and you know that is very wrong of you to do. Its like taking a rose from the garden and putting it in your diary so only you can enjoy it. But darling, that rose dies. Its beauty still stays the same, but the freshness and the life is ****** out of it.

That is exactly how I feel. I feel as if I'm in a self made cage that I have the key to myself. But the key is inside my heart and I have to rip it open to save myself. I guess that is what I'm doing right here.
Ripping my heart open and saving myself.

I cared a lot for you. But either I stay and end up killing myself because of you or leaving and being heart broken but have hope.

You have already killed a lot of me on the inside... so saving myself is the only option it seems.

The truth is I have no idea how to begin this
because I don’t even remember
how or when exactly you began to invade my consciousness.
you were an uninvited guest, a gatecrasher, an intruder
filling my mind with paranoia and endless dilemma —
how I contemplate about going out or not
because I get overwhelmed with crowded places
like public transports, and malls, and fast food chains,
how I s-stutter whenever placing an order,
or how I could not finish one sentence without repeating
repeating a word or or two.

It might sound funny how I find a sea of people terrifying,
how I feel a dagger or a gun pointed at me every time I step
outside my comfort zone,
how I would replay failed scenarios inside my head like a broken tape,
how I would apologize for actions that demanded no apology.
I often get nightmares about being asleep and not being able to wake up
and sometimes I dream about waking up in a strange bed in a foreign room
filled with people with the strangest faces talking in tones barely audible
but when the voices would all stir together
I would run out of air and pass out,
but I still wake up though, screaming, trembling
signaling another episode of survival.

If I could drive, I would take you away with me and bring you to a sunset beach
tell you that everything’s gonna be alright
that it’s okay to knock me down sometimes
but not too hard to break me
just enough to remind me that I am, after all, human
Or maybe I would drown you or maybe not
because I get too overwhelmed with the waves
I struggle against the current,
and I am the one who gets drowned instead.

I hate you, no, I mean I love you. I should love you
because they said those we love are meant to leave
So I will love you, I will love you until you get tired of me,
until you no longer find me appealing
I will love you obsessively, until you get sick of me,
until you run out of places to run to, until you run out of air
I will love you until I run out of words and metaphors
and rhyme or reason,
I will love you with the hopes that one day I could finally say:
“My anxieties have died beautifully, with dignity,
in their sleep.”

To my future someone,
sometimes I'm not strong enough to stand up for my own heart.
Protect my heart, don't break it.

Sometimes I need to be alone, just let me be.
I will feel like a bother, tell me I'm not.
I don't need saving, I need a partner in crime.

I will feel unloved, tell me it's not true.
Fight for me when I don't have the strength to fight for myself.
I wont let you go, so don't let me go.
Too many people have left, I need someone to stay.
Thank you, future someone.

My friend got to see you
Just not too long ago.
Told me
Your not as handsome
And amazing
As I said.

I stared at her
A million reasons
Why you where all those things
And more
Shot through my brain.
But all I could say is.
"I love him"

How can I tell her
That I see the stars in your eyes
And they keep me in place when I feel as though I may fall?

How can I possibly explain
The feeling of delight I feel hearing your voice
The pull on my heart I feel
Seeing your face.

How can I say
"He's my best friend"
When you're so much more.

If I said
"he's my reason for breathing,
For getting up in the morning
For not giving up.
He's my everything."
It'd be the truth
But very little of it.

There's so much I wanna say.
Many are just fragments I can't fit together just yet.
But I like the feeling of speechlessness
You've given me.

Till then just know.
My friend thinks you're ugly
But to me your everything but.

My love, we can let go now.

There's no need for us to keep on holding on to each other.
The us right now are different from the us back then.
We were young and naive.
We were too scared of losing each other that we decided to just remain still.
However, through that process, we failed to realize that slowly we already did.

We already lost each other, and we both know that.
We can't keep on hoping for a future that's uncertain.
We can't keep on hoping for a past that will never come back.
But what we can do is to live in the present,
And in order to do that we have to let go.

I can't keep on holding you back, and you can't do that too.
I know it's hard but if we don't, we'll only end up hurting each other.
I know it hurts, trust me it hurts, but I know this will heal.
Time will pass and all of this will just become a memory.

So love, I have to let us go now.
My love, we need to let go now.

Wore down the nerves
To write down a billet dou
Magical lines she deserves
To this manicured angel
Never have I seen a match
Resembling this fairy bird

Shy and rising Sun
Let me bring you my world
Onto your arms
Place it on your soft petals
Embrace your scent
All the way I've tried was in vain
I'm so ready for you to share pain

The pages of your letters,

Coloured and scented,

Are the flowers of my day.


From my fingers they drop,

Like dry petals in the breeze,

When sleep drifts over me

And thoughts of you become my dreams.