Loneliness smells like plums
From grandmother's garden

This is the time in life,
Where life is not worth living,
Each day gets harder to survive.
‘Life’ drags on day by day,
While you hope,
For something to go right,
But it never does.

All the world and its beauty.,
I made you my world with all might..!!
All the darkness and the night.,
I took you all in my sight..!!
All the promises and its hopes,
I vowed it all tied tight to ropes..!!
All the mountains and the majesticity,
I stood all tall at your call.!!
All the rivers and the greenery,
I flowed for you painting your life a scenery.!!
All the waves and the kisses to the shore,
I embraced and gave all more.!!
All the flowers and the fragrances,
I bore the thorns holding my patience.!!
All the streams and the melodies,
I sang for you making my life a parody.!!
All the music and the tunes,
I danced leaving myself in fumes.!!

I tried to rise and shine,
Realized its all for vain..!!

And for the person now I am,
I can't quit for I lost my wit.!!

Hence
I wanna disappear
I wanna be unseen
I wanna be unheard

Disappearing like a bubble on that wave,
Like a Dew on that leaf.

I wanna disappear..

All the world and its beauty.,
I made you my world with all might..!!
All the darkness and the night.,
I took you all in my sight..!!
All the promises and its hopes,
I vowed it all tied tight to ropes..!!
All the mountains and the majesticity,
I stood all tall at your call.!!
All the rivers and the greenery,
I flowed for you painting your life a scenery.!!
All the waves and the kisses to the shore,
I embraced and gave all more.!!
All the flowers and the fragrances,
I bore the thorns holding my patience.!!
All the streams and the melodies,
I sang for you making my life a parody.!!
All the music and the tunes,
I danced leaving myself in fumes.!!

I tried to rise and shine,
Realized its all for vain..!!

And for the person now I am,
I can't quit for I lost my wit.!!

Hence
I wanna disappear
I wanna be unseen
I wanna be unheard

Disappearing like a bubble on that wave,
Like a Dew on that leaf.

I wanna disappear..

I feel like I'm losing everyone
Or maybe I never really had anyone

C                                                                ­                           R
          L                                                    ­               E
                      U                T
                      ­                                            T
Clutter in my Room
Clutter in my mind
I stare at the piles unsure of where to start
Every item I pick up brings waves of anxiety so I move to another
but one thought plucked brings two more to the surface
Anxious overthinking and worrying about made up familial death
I.
Don't
       Know
                How
                           To
                                  Be
                         ­               Better...
My shovel is hitting stone, convinced I'll find gold
Day by day, stuck in the mundane waring with flesh and spirit
The solution should be easy but its not

And the guys I want don't want me
And I'm writhing in my bed in agony over my disfigured figure
Staring at the fun house mirror with my grey-tinted glasses
Uneven curves and lumps.

And I question the way others see me
I question conversations
I question intentions as actions fail to follow the spoken
And I feel so so alone

Support beams rotting
I'm passing through with the cold
I don't feel like a blessing
I'm nothing special
I just feel so isolated
Surrounded by clusters of people and I don't have the courage to walk up to one without feeling like a foreigner in my second home.
and when I do it is just as easy to abandon the attempt
I'm the last student in a game of team-up glancing around to see who chance has left me with...I never thought this feeling would continue well into my twenties...

And I know its all just the chemicals but no man will ever understand how this feels and no woman either...
So old and still feeling like a kid who never outgrew the growing pains.
It still hurts. All the **** time.

loneliness
is a misunderstanding
of what together is
a feeling we need someone
to complete us
in truth
people are a pain
in the ****

Who is that
I see?
Some reflection as strange as me.

Too frightened to
Be alone.
Overcome by a sad tone,
Overwhelming,
Overgrown.

But
Who is this?
Who have I become?

No one.

A fact of a stranger,
Looking through the mirror.

Uncanny,
A weak figure.

But alas,
That is me.

And I,
Have withered.