The Grey

Sitting here in the dark
Cigarette smoke fills my lungs
I am not gay
I am not straight
Am I living just to breathe
Or
Am I just breathing just to live
I am not a They
I am not an It
My heart is pulled into several directions
Like Nut needing her extra days
I am pained
I am lost
I am needing this mind to be silent
A mouth of a sailor
The mindset of the lost and broken
I have no idea what I am doing anymore
I am somewhere in between
This divide is strong
Jeg Er Grå

Her perfect smile,
Shines brighter than his.
But he is what everyone expects I want.
He is what everyone expects I need.
But she is so beautiful,
She's everything I desire.
I wonder if she ever sees me
and
Thinks the same.

Years ago, I limestoned
my way through girls,
cool and completely solid.
As they swayed,
sweet and sweat-inducing,
glossed in a perfunctory pink
at the foot of my bed,
I could feel them sinking
all the way through me,
swaying between
my synapses.

But now I'm crepuscular.
I'm seizing as girls
prism in front of me
like sequins,
like fool's gold.
They leave the door unlocked
behind them.

I was once told pyrite
isn't a lie if you know
it's pyrite- if it shows you
all its sides
individually and with care-

but I still wanted them to be solid gold.

i wonder what your arms feel like,
and i wonder what your lips taste like?

do they taste like sweet burning ash like
two fragile glasses, or
do they taste like honey, disguised as hot melting wax
because in where people see pain, i feel beauty

in where people say it's weird, I say it's lovely,
the most perfect thing ever

because i would lose anything,
just to pour my ashes over your honey
i would burn for you like icarus
did for apollo

my own and true love,
you are the sky, the sun and the moon
i would give you anything just to see the sparkle in your eyes

You tell me I'm one thing,
But really you're just afraid that I'm something
Undefinable.
You believe everyone is one or the other,
But whats the beauty in that?
Maybe one day I'm
'They'
The next I'm
'She'
Then the day after I'm
'He'
Don't suppress me for being
Everything.
Nothing.
And
Me.

To love tastes like sweetness
Fresh strawberries
And few drops on skin
It feels like grassy green hills
Starry night skies
And murmured words
Carried across state lines
Letters bundled in brown string
Lavender stems
And wax buttons
To love looks like her eyes
Mountains and earth and life
It looks like sunflowers
And bonfires
And nervous car rides
Sometimes I close my eyes
And her voice is there
At the back of my mind
Her laughter playing over and over
And I think to myself
This
This is what it feels like
But tongues these days
Were made to be held
And I’ve made it a hobby
To keep to myself
And the moments I steal
Between thought and dreaming
I spend realizing that many could do
So much better than this
But love looks a lot
Like who she is to me
Whether it’s not the right time
Or it may never be
And despite my desire
To face the world on my own
The sound of her voice
Never leaves me alone
And I find myself in bed
Lying awake through the night
Smiling at her humor
And thinking she might
Think of me too
And I don’t know why it happened
Why I can’t erase her from my mind
But I find I don’t want to
That I couldn’t if I tried
That every second of her presence
Every moment in time
I spend craving more of her
Always more of her

Some people say love is the most extravagant feeling in the world

People in bad situations would probably disagree

People domestically abused, and everyone unconcerned

They really hope one day they can just be free

But can they?

No hope, no help, nobody to guide them out

The feelings of, anger, sorrow and, betray

Even when out of these situations there is still doubt

I hope the pain goes away, but that’s something I simply can’t control

You can't rule me like a ******* gaming console

You stole everything from me

My, laughter, love and smile

Things I won't have back for a long while

I can't be vulnerable anymore.  

Society seems to hate what I stand for.

People always say they have an open door.

But it's closed when I come around.

Mankind only listens to what they want to  

Thick skulls I just can't break through.

They can’t see life through my point of view.

Listen, you could be hating someone you love.

Kids feeling like acceptance is something they aren't deserving of

Makes them feel like something they can't control makes you stand above.

But we all are created equal.

The words you say to those that are different can be lethal.

You preach words god didn’t say then pray under that steeple.

God said love thy neighbor, you don’t pick and choose.

The past is the past, it's time to stop the mental abuse.

More people to suicide, we don’t need to lose.

"You're beautiful"
A stranger so plainly writes
The notification appears so clearly
At top of screen
You pull and stretch your shirt
So as to better hide your body
Stumbling towards the mirror
You prepare yourself for battle
The dysmorphia of your body
So violently attacks your subconscious
Every mirror, camera, reflection in window
So clearly reminds you of ugliness, the
shadow that creeps behind, that you can't escape from
You pick at your body
Squeeze, pinch, and dissect every cell
As you find each and every thing
Wrong
You long for the day where you say
"I'm beautiful"