You need so much
I don't have it to give
I'm not sure if I can feel anymore nevermind live
Part of me worries that I'm dead
or at least the most important part of me is
You deserve so much
Yet I have nothing to give

Winds were turning, the sun was burning
Some were earning, some were learning

Despite same age, not on same page
Circus and its cage, work and its wage

Before days were salad, life was ballad
Now scant is jealous, fulfilled is callous

Some were putting stamps, some were avoiding lamps
Anxiety became swamps, solitude became camps

Devoid of the vision, dreams in the prison
Blames and reason, grudges every season

Fast as well as furious, adrenaline was curious
Shifting next and previous, life was oblivious

Downers were prevailing, attempts were failing
But refuge against despairing, refute against ailing

Dive deep into sea, nothing will come free
Don't cry, make tea,from sapling to tree

Sweat is often sweet, let's find our feet
Time is dead heat, smile and compete

From morning to night, between joy and plight
Better fight than flight, journey will be alright

I don't like my skin today
It doesn't fit me right
It's loose in the wrong places
Where I need room, it's too tight
The color doesn't match my mood
I don't appear slate gray
I think I might go back to bed
I hate my skin today

i keep on thinking of words—
to unite, to collide;
but in everything that i do,
memories of you and i,
sweep me off of my feet—
with such delight.

So, I was tired, ( as you know :)
and decided to honour and surrender my tiredness  for as long as I write the poem, at list, ...

~~~
After surrendering:

Driving to pick up a client, - Hilda,

You know Hilda,
She is the wife of the ex Italian mafia driver,

- Hilda comes,
She is seeing me, - smiling happily
( last night in her email she was in lots of pain, I expected her to cry, ...)
- we drive,

She speaks, ... I drive and listen,
( my job is to listen and breathe)
How she applied for unemployment
and the difficulties, bureaucracy, and stress
of loosing her job because of Covid,

- I listen, ...  I am no longer tired, ...

I was happy to drive Hilda, ...

I guess your story dont really matter unless you beat a ****** case.
Unless you sell a lot of plates.
Unless you gang banging your set
With a gun and big chain.
Fell into this life young
but I’m im glad that I got out safe.
Came sacrifices from my body
But I still made it out that place.
Others weren’t so lucky
to live and see another day.
Some spent their time in prison
Came home and found another way.
Some do the same ****
Guess they learning the hard way.
If he’s was smart he’d take his family
And move far far away.
Man I live for the vision
But the time is just ticking.
I give this **** my all
and never planned on quitting.
Seen ****** blow up with one song
And I ain’t ego trippin.
It’s just been ten years of grinding
On this one big mission.
All the days through depression
Staring gaze at a weapon.
Spin the chamber put to my head
if it bang it’s a blessing.
Some say it’s weak
I say easy it’s if you tired of living.
Hard to fight back when your body has been wired to give in.
Needed god to pick me up
But I just kept on slipping.
Some just keep on smoking.
Some just keep on drinking.
I just keep on thinking
When will I be winning.