There’s nowhere for me,
nowhere I can scream—
quietly, peacefully.
I can’t disturb,
the gentle, quiet Night.

These tears know, too—
They only know one home,
stuck deep inside.
They drown in the ocean,
wondering when they will
fly from my eyes.

The time comes.
I shake, I tremble.
My soul goes ragged—
with grief, with joy,
with guilt, with love,
with anger, with hope.
It’s wretchedly beautiful.

I raise my chin.
I shake, I tremble.
But only a crack
forms in the dam.
Only a stream
seeps into my lap.

I unhinge my jaw.
I shake, I tremble.
I try to *****
the full blue moon.
But not a sound disturbs,
the gentle, quiet Night.

I can’t hear myself.
But it's screaming.
It claws, it hungers,
it wants out.
But I’m not ready.

My heart has grown
too attached to the weight,
of this dead child
hiding inside me.

The moment at night. I am supposed to. I have needed to. For many years. Again and again I find myself at this point and failed.

I can blame the world, but it is I that has failed. I failed myself.

Only I am real, nothing else is real. None of you are real.

Just lines, shadows, white paper and crayon.

Good night.

The town is new,
its buildings washed in grey.
The streets are clean,
it's peaceful here—
but its too quiet.

Everything here is bleak,
so colorless, drained of thought.
The people stay inside,
I can't hear them smiling,
can't see them laughing.

Today, the streets are busy,
its a funeral march of faces
they move in one direction,
headed to the same place,
but they don't go together.

They're all going somewhere.
to do something unimportant.

They built another building,
big and grey, empty of laughter.
People act out scenes that once felt funny,
but they act only for the camera,
they only laugh for the camera.

No one looks up at the sky.
there's nothing there anymore—
just thin sheets of grey.
No gold, no silver,
even when the sun sinks.

I still see gold and silver,
hidden somewhere behind the clouds.
but this town stays grey.

I reach for my brush,
longing to paint something bright.
But each stroke fades—
the colors turn to ash,
grey bleeding into my hands.

I hate this town.

These eyes of mine
They see everything

They see him helping his friends

They see her comforting her friends

They see them holding the door for everyone

They see her smiling at a strangers

They see him complimenting strangers

They see them looking so at ease

They see him craft with thought

They see her craft with care

And they see them in pretty pastel colors
Laying under the same setting sun

She gives him a scarf
It's his favorite color

He gives her a music box
It’s her favorite song

Why?
Why do I see tears on the mirror?
Why do I see…

Only me.

Just me.


Alone.

I have had enough, I just wanna leave,
This place has no love, they all just deceive,
I thought I would be someone's only choice,
Alone I am left, no one hears my voice,

I thought I would make at least one person smile,
I've struggled in vain, my efforts were dire,
I still do possess, this haunting desire,
Just want to connect, It's all I require,

It seems I have failed to build a connection,
With not much time left, I avoid detection,
So, what if there's no one, not one that would seek,
Seek out this man, when he feels so weak.

I might just do better, the next stage I'll live,
I'll write you a letter,
If I can forgive.

Feels like fear.

Depression
Is my peace.

Laughter
Helps me see.

Isolation
Is my relief.