And the sun sat.... when it did it felt like my eyes were closed. Felt like my back had been turned or I was in a dark room with no windows. Heart beating outta my chest. My hands could flow a river. Body tense. Legs weak. But I still remember. The day before we were together. And the day before that too. Where did it all go wrong? I wish It hadn’t cause now I have to sleep without you. I could comfort myself if I wanted to but it just wouldn’t be the same and you don’t even understand the pain that comes from hearing your name. Time heals all but I really just wanna make it stop cause it just keeps going and I’m stuck with all the things that come with not. Not having you here. Not seeing you. Not being able to smell your breath in the morning time. I really got use to all those things and now i have to relearn not having you around. But is it the same for you? I miss you so **** much.  This hurt that I feel is so unreal. Maybe it’s a dream please wake me up. No phone call no text you ain’t even trying to come back this way and even though I’m hurt I’d still take you back with open arms any day...... guess I’m just stuck daydreamin y’all....

you put me through hell so many times
i'm sitting here as you're on the phone with your boy
and i'm just here so you aren't alone
are you trying to show off?
make me jealous?
your relationships are working and mine aren't?
you're laughing with him
proving to me that you're happy that i'm not in your life
thank you
i needed the clarification that you aren't worth my time
you don't know it but this is going to be the last time we talk like this
like we are close again
like we are friends and everything is okay
this is my goodbye

If diaries could bleed
This would get ugly
I know I need help
But I'd rather be alone
I can go to therapy
And tell all my sob
Stories and tragedies
It wouldn't matter
In the end because
I'm still dead
Abandoned in a coffin
In the back of my head
My best friends
Brought me roses
Instead of tiger lilies
Because they don't
Really know me
I'll be buried in white
When I finally
Rest my mind
Because no one likes
My gothic side
I hope they'll play
My favourite songs
The ones I left on loop
But they won't
No one knows
What it is I do
And with all this
Spare time I'd say
That's probably okay
Aside from watching Ru
I sit in my room
Thinking about things
Life and death
And all that stuff
Pondering the galaxies
Instead of facing
My own reality
Because the truth is
I can only be
So different
So those demons
That you thought left
They're all still here
And they're all my friends
Better than the ones
Who currently hold
That ugly claim
Someone's got to leave
It won't be them
And it won't be me
I guess we both
Know what that means

Dad is so very proud of his culture, underneath this nationalist, racist, sexist, homophobic, religiously intolerant, ageist and xenophobic snobbery; is a man that stands by his right to hate who he likes.

Oh the irony!

Asleep next to me
You seem so at peace
Those frowning lips
Finally relaxed
Your forehead
A smooth canvas
Eyelids balanced closed
With steady breath
I know you
Have a boyfriend
But I still love you
From time to time

Cloudy days and
Lavender skies
Neverending sunshine
Exhaustion runs deep
Like veins beneath
Tearing at my skin
Stripping me of all
My seams

He is there
You notice it in you
The tingling in you
You try to ignore it
You want to overcome it
They think you can do it
He is there
Your cards are bad
You lose
He is there
They lose against the ******
They rub the pain
You're fast.
sweat beads on the forehead
You think redeeming
You think you are driving him away
They will not make it
He is there
The itching is there
Overgrown wounds tear
They are out of control
They will not make it
To fight against him
You do not feel pain
The moment is not there
He is there