with depression comes manipulation. you end up lying. you lie about how you feel or you let out bits but not whole truths. they believe you.
with self harm comes manipulation. you know you have eight blades but you give up five. you have twelve hiding spaces but you give up eight. they believe you.
with progress becomes manipulation. you use the coping skills and say are helping. you cut in different places. you lie about feeling better and let your emotions out somewhere else

Self harm starts as one small cut. One blade you found in your brothers drawer. You heard him say one time that it makes him feel better. You hurt and you don’t know why. You take the blade to your skin for the first time you press down and pull it across your skin. You are hooked. It bleeds and it fascinates you. You wipe the blood away with some toilet paper and put a bandaid on it. You hide the blade under the bucket in the cabinet and move on with your day. You can’t stop thinking about it. You go back later and do one, two, three more cuts. You create a routine. You go back day after day. Multiple times a day. You tell yourself you can stop anytime until you realize you can’t. You look down at your thighs one day to do a few more cuts. You realize there is no more space. You move to your stomach. Then to your calves. Then your wrist. You look at your body in the mirror one day and see it is covered with blood, scabs, and scars. You disgust yourself. You can’t stand to look at yourself. One day your mom sees a scar or a cut that pokes out the top of your sleeve. She tells you that you are destroying yourself. She tells your dad and he yells a you says that you are an attention seeker. You believe it You believe all the horrible things people say about you. You see more and more flaws that you can’t stand. Its too much. It is all too much. Its too much. You go to the hall closet. You find the bottle that says minipress. You grab it shut the door and walk into the bathroom. You open the bottle and pour it’s content out into your hand. There are about twenty four pills. You put them on the counter, lining them up one by one. You find yourself picking them up one by one and placing them in your mouth. You pick up the last one and swallow it. It hits you. You realize what you have done. You lay on the ground and wait to fall asleep. You wake up in a strange rubber bed covered in scratchy sheets. You open your eyes and look around there are three strangers and your mom in the room. You are in a hospital. You survived but you realize you didn't want to wake up.

Hello mother, it's me your daughter, I've been thinking lately and I need to get something off my chest, you hurt me, not physically but emotionally, you've promised me things so many times and broke them, you promised me you stop drinking cause your so mean and violent and call me names,
*******
*******
*******
That's all I hear while your drunk, I try to care for you but you keep calling me lazy and a bad daughter, but I'm trying to get a job so I can help you pay the **** bills, but you don't care
Whatever
Whatever
Whatever
That's all you say when I tell you I don't want you drinking and driving, I don't wanna lose you, your my only mom and you don't understand if I lose you I'll be broken I'll also have no where to go if I lose you, I care about you but it seems you dare care about that, when i wasnt living with you, i had a terrible life but living with you aslo is ad terrible, I also know you havnt had the perfect life and you have a abusive bf right now but you don't need to take it out on me, im your daughter for god sake, so if you dont grow up and act your age I'm leaving, I don't know where I'll go but ill find a place, I'll show you I'm more than you think of me, I'll show you I'm not lazy and that I'm a hard worker, and when I'm at the best of my life please don't talk to me cause I'm not going to help you no more and words will no longer hurt me as they do now

Daniel.
Daniel was a boy of talent and charm
He smiled when the world didn’t
And he cried when no one would see
He made sure no one ever felt like they were alone
And no matter the severity of a lie or action
He always had room in his heart to forgive.
Daniel left behind a daughter
Not even 1 year old
But
When you had a life like his
Its not easy to get around the mental scars
People had once cut deep into his skin
And the hatred injected in his veins
Daniel was one of the nicest people
And he’ll forever be in our hearts