I’m such a ******* idiot for trusting you all over again.

Thinking **** would be different but you still have the same people on your phone thinking it’d be different.

I hate you
Makes you never understand why
The longing for you back
Is an instinct to me  
To hug you each morning
To say hello to you each day
Makes you never understand why
I love you

taken in by your ways
my emotions as you fade
fade into a picture on the wall
an image in my head
as you become just a memory
i hate you
i hate the way you left
i hate the feeling of your presense stolen from my fingertips
i hate the absent place you left in my heart
the way you never found away to leave my mind
but i love you
i love the way you talked
i love the way you walked
the way you always kept me on the edge of my seat with the gracefulness of your words
but you're gone now
gone for good
and i didn't realize how much i needed you here until you weren't here anymore
until you weren't here for me to hold anymore
until you left me
with no explanations

I hate you,
For when the morning rises,
After a night full of your absence,
Your memories still hover in my mind,
I hate you,
For when I see you,
I seem to go completely numb,
My lips feel like they had been sealed together,
As no sound comes out,
And slowly and unknowingly,
A smile creeps on to my face,
I hate you,
For no matter how much I drink,
Your eyes are still what I see,
In the bottles of alcohol,
I smell your presence in someone else’s arms,
In the drug of forgive and forget,
I hate you,
For saying you will come back,
Only for you to never even look over your shoulder,
To see if I was fine,
Because you knew there was something wrong,
Yet still you left me,
But I hate myself more,
For never being capable of you,
I never deserved you,
I hate myself,
For having to say I hate you,
When I actually love you.

I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you



                                                          ­                                                          But
   ­                                                                 ­                                           I don't.

The table sits alone in the dining room of our home
It hasn’t been touched in ages like my emotions by ur spit of lies
that u claim are the truths-
But the truths don’t fix up the cracked edges of the wood like they don’t fix up my thoughts of you.
The table I pass everytime I run to the room where it doesn’t matter if we stay together anymore because everything would be better if you weren’t here,
the same room where your lies tied in with my nonsense had ripped open the walls and the truth caved in once you were completely gone.
The call had described such a sweet serenity
the life of happiness I onced pictured the first time we held hands,
but the realness of your words wasn’t enough to make me drop to my knees and beg you to come back
No, the realness in your words had made me realize how much I hate that table and how much I hate the thought of you

Huggy bear,
Snuggy bear,
I want you
I cannot bear
This situation-ship,
Neither of us can agree on
One things certain
It won't be long before I'm goneI

my infinite happiness,
endless source of despair.
my worst nightmare and
my favorite fairy tale.