Here we are again,
You’ve found me at my worst.
I used to be happy,
I used to be able to smile,
Until the day I met you.

This darkness is like a cloud,
This cloud is just pollution.
You always knew how to hurt me,
Even when I didn’t think I could break.
I’ve wondered what my life would be like,
If you never entered it on that day.

These scars you’ve left on me,
Mark me every single day.
I might have done it to myself,
But you put the blade in my hand.
You might not be a person,
But you’re definitely real to me.

Just be happy, they say,
They promise that I’ll be okay,
I’ve tried to stop you in your track,
Even tried taking my own life,
It’s never simple, it’s never easy,
Depression got the best of me,
And now it’s time that you all can see.

- T L G

I have no idea where I am
And I can't remember how, or when I got here
But I know I was there once
With you

Maybe you lost me when you were trying to find yourself
Or maybe I hid myself away and you couldn't find me
Maybe you miss me

Maybe the real me is there
In the pages of that letter you're reading again
Maybe it's too late


Gail Lapping 11/12/18

There are two kinds of waiting:
Hopeful and hopeless.
Hopelessness is weary angst,
Violent eddies of despair.
Nervous pacing while staring
The mind battling the heart.
Hopefulness is jubilant,
Spontaneous leaps of joy.
Nervous tapping of your feet
Ready to meet life head on.
There are two kinds of waiting:
Hopeless and hopeful.  
But neither prevents waiting.

By the light of the waning moon
Sat I once again to soon
I would see the light of dawn
Leaking through the tattered clouds

A heart asunder with tears unshed
For its to that quiet place
My dark twisted thoughts have fled
Dark. Self loathing. Destructive threads

Branching out to strangle my soul
To plunder what's left of joy
To tear apart any remnant of a smile
For once I've walked more than a mile

The journey must end. Dissipate
Into the nothingness that is this path
To the unknown unspoken blackness
That is now the dark hole I've dug

Blackness, bile, foul stench of you
Invading my nostrils, choking, smothering
Cutting off much needed breaths
I gasp, struggle, grabbing, reaching

The only thing to greet these empty
Clawing hands, nothing, a void so vast
Left grasping, clutching, fingers clenching
Gasping, panic, closed in, blocked

Breath fading, sight blocked, sounds too loud
A void, vast,infinitesimal. To much
Release me, free me, let me go
Reeling, falling, down, down

Leading to who knows where
This constant descent
Speeding up, shooting through
Each desperate limb needing solid
Hand hold or foot found

Nothing, nothing making sense
Air becoming less and less dense
Darkness. Constant companion why are you always there
Hide me. Conceal me in your embrace

Remove from me doubt. Rip asunder
From deep within in this dark twisted soul
The remains of what chokes, smothers
Kills.....

i want to tell you.
i really do.
i'd love to spill my secrets, my issues to you.
yet i can't comprehend it.
i can't communicate it to you.
and the fact you could leave me.
it makes my heart a tearful blue.
you already look at me as if i'm broken.
what do i have to lose?
i want to tell you.
i really do.
yet i can't cope with the fact.
the fact your presence may fade.
vanish without a trace.
except you'd still have that key.
the key that can unlock the darkness in my brain.