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LeaveThisLife Oct 2014
...Honestly...
I have this one secret floating around in my head
that I won't talk to anyone about...
This thought that won't leave my brain
Our memories that drive me insane
I'm holding my own head underwater
I'm eating myself alive
From the inside out
So no one sees my pain
I don't talk about it
I'm not comfortable enough with myself
To talk about it with others
Im usually a really open person about my secrets, but there's this one thought, burned into me, that I'm keeping to myself.. And its eating me alive...
Oh my god, what have you done to your hair
Please tell me you didn’t buy those clothes with the money I gave you
What happened to the you that I use to know?
Why are you doing these things to yourself?
What have you done to my baby girl.
And there we go: that right there is just it.

Your baby girl isn’t the correct terms anymore
Don’t you remember when I was little,
All the times I ran around looking like I did.
You can’t tell me that you thought I’d really grow out of that.
When I was just a wee kid I think deep down I knew, I was just unsure of what it meant.
When I was only in the fifth grade I had a girlfriend, but we didn’t really know that.

Love, and what does that truly mean?
Favoritism, lying, shame, broken- hearted, depression, think on all of that.
Do any of the above mean crap to you now?
I know I’m not the favorite kid you don’t have to fake it anymore.
Face this, we all know that I’m the unwanted, the black sheep, bah bah.
Although I will give you that you both help me out a lot.

What is the reasoning behind this you ask, but I shall not give you the answer you want.
The reasoning is for me to explain that who I am is who I will always be.
Maybe I’ll even improve on the person I know I am supposed to be.
I know it’s not either of your faults that I didn’t develop the right parts.
I would change the way I am if I could because no it’s not easy, trust me I hate it too.
It’s a chemical imbalance they say, something you can be born with.

Why am I sitting here pouring out my heart that I already have on my sleeve?
I have no reason to believe that anything could even matter at this point.
We all know I will be me and you will disapprove regardless.
You say you love me in which I do believe that you both do.
My only thing is I feel as if I’m just not what you wanted.
Hell I wasn’t even meant to be so maybe that’s why I’m the black sheep.
Baahh Baahh cried the poor baby sheep.

Wiping the tears of my face now, I’m sorry dad. I’m sorry, mom.
I didn’t mean for this to happen, I hope you don’t mind another son.
I know it’s going to be heart breaking and mostly against God as you always say.
I know life isn’t meant to be perfect maybe that’s why I’m cursed with this pain.
The fear of it all is so scary I wish I could truly change.
I hope you know this has nothing to do with my preference in which I’m with.
For that sake is another topic we shall not address for now.

With all this out on the table now, I say it’s time to eat, feast on it with however you want my dear parents.
To the final tale about how the baby girl became a grown man no one ever knew about.
Unknown Sep 2014
Nothing.
No thing.
Help me
please.
I’m faulting.
I've not been feeling good about myself lately.
brea Sep 2014
the only thing worse than
being looked at with disgust
is melting into the walls
and not being looked at
at all

you know you shouldn't wish for
the perverts at the bar to eat you up
their spider eyes crawling all over you
leaving a slime trail on your most
sensitive bits

but it feels so empty and cold
to be nursing a ***** slime
your lipstick and hair crying out
for even the vilest of men
and all you get is a
heyisyourfriendsingle?

i am transparent
i am unnoticed
i am baby hiding in the corner
but there's no one around to care

do whatever it takes to be that girl
drink too much baby duck
paint your eyes cotton candy
sharpen your nails into talons
but this only washes you out more
like an old rag hung to dry for eternity
when the maid has bought newer ones
more efficient/
prettier with bigger *****.

you might as well jump through the cracks
before you get kicked down there anyways.
Echo Sep 2014
I thought you wanted me to die!
I thought that was what you wanted.
So I lied so you would be happy with my death!
I'm confused... You don't love me anymore.
When you were the only one who could make me soar,
I want to forgive you, but someone's telling me stop.
Just please... Andy, help me!
???
Awkward Sep 2014
Have you ever loved someone
so much it physically hurt you?

Have you ever loved someone
so much you planned your forever with them?

Have you ever lost someone
because they didn't have the same feelings for you?

Have you ever lost someone
and cried so hard you felt like you were dying?

Have you ever missed someone
so much you talk about them constantly?

Have you ever missed someone
and know that they don't miss you?

Have you ever met someone
who took away the pain of the past?

Have you ever met someone
that doesn't numb the pain long enough?

Have you ever left someone
because you were still missing your past?

Have you ever hated yourself
for missing that one person so much?

Have you ever hated someone
for making you feel so alone?

Have you ever wanted to die
because you feel trapped with the memories of them?

Have you ever dragged a blade across your skin
just to feel something, anything at all?

I have
I have for 5 months now
And I don't think this pain will ever go away
I hate you, but I miss you
Please, someone help me
I haven't been on in a while but now that summers over and i see him more and more i just feel like complete ****. someone help me, please. this feeling is awful.
Jordan Aug 2014
Help.
Help me from my thoughts.
Help me from my darkness.
Help me hide my true self.
Because if you met me
You will run,
You will avoid me,
Hide from me
You will be scared of me,
So help me
Help me put my mask back on,
So you won’t have to see me
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