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You screamed, so I cried.
You were mad, so I was sad.
You were upset, so I was confused.
You were yelling, so I walked away.

You were laying there in your own world.
Not a care in your mind about what I was doing.
I doubt you would have noticed me walking out the door.
I knew better than to leave, I knew I might not make it back.

You know I love you to the moon and back.
I would never leave you in order to live another life.
My life with you is all I ever wanted in life.
You just seemed to shove me out that day.
No you never laid a hand on me, but you didn't have to.

I knew my time was expiring standing in that room.
I slowly turned to walk out, and then I was stuck.
I sat in the corner of my papa's old room.
My head rest on the wall and my knees were in my chest.

All I could think of was the pain that was deep inside.
I felt as if a lion was trapped and could not get out.
I fell emotionless and began to search.
I'm not quite sure what it was that I even had in my hands.

The next thing that I knew I was searching for something new.
My breathe, I couldn't catch it.
It was like something had taken control of me now.
Whatever it was that I had picked up, it was trapped now.
Trapped around my neck.

Quickly I found this to be alarming and I snapped.
I found the object that the monster created then laying on the floor.
My fist were tight and blood shot red.'
I hope that filing cabinet had no feelings that I could of hurt.

All I know is this.
My guardian angel, he was in that room.
My tattoo glared at me to quit.
My eyes full of tears.
How could I ever leave you in this cold world.
Even if you hated me, I wouldn't stray to far.
Oh my god, what have you done to your hair
Please tell me you didn’t buy those clothes with the money I gave you
What happened to the you that I use to know?
Why are you doing these things to yourself?
What have you done to my baby girl.
And there we go: that right there is just it.

Your baby girl isn’t the correct terms anymore
Don’t you remember when I was little,
All the times I ran around looking like I did.
You can’t tell me that you thought I’d really grow out of that.
When I was just a wee kid I think deep down I knew, I was just unsure of what it meant.
When I was only in the fifth grade I had a girlfriend, but we didn’t really know that.

Love, and what does that truly mean?
Favoritism, lying, shame, broken- hearted, depression, think on all of that.
Do any of the above mean crap to you now?
I know I’m not the favorite kid you don’t have to fake it anymore.
Face this, we all know that I’m the unwanted, the black sheep, bah bah.
Although I will give you that you both help me out a lot.

What is the reasoning behind this you ask, but I shall not give you the answer you want.
The reasoning is for me to explain that who I am is who I will always be.
Maybe I’ll even improve on the person I know I am supposed to be.
I know it’s not either of your faults that I didn’t develop the right parts.
I would change the way I am if I could because no it’s not easy, trust me I hate it too.
It’s a chemical imbalance they say, something you can be born with.

Why am I sitting here pouring out my heart that I already have on my sleeve?
I have no reason to believe that anything could even matter at this point.
We all know I will be me and you will disapprove regardless.
You say you love me in which I do believe that you both do.
My only thing is I feel as if I’m just not what you wanted.
Hell I wasn’t even meant to be so maybe that’s why I’m the black sheep.
Baahh Baahh cried the poor baby sheep.

Wiping the tears of my face now, I’m sorry dad. I’m sorry, mom.
I didn’t mean for this to happen, I hope you don’t mind another son.
I know it’s going to be heart breaking and mostly against God as you always say.
I know life isn’t meant to be perfect maybe that’s why I’m cursed with this pain.
The fear of it all is so scary I wish I could truly change.
I hope you know this has nothing to do with my preference in which I’m with.
For that sake is another topic we shall not address for now.

With all this out on the table now, I say it’s time to eat, feast on it with however you want my dear parents.
To the final tale about how the baby girl became a grown man no one ever knew about.
Every since I can remember I have thought it was a trap. .
I remember my grandpa teaching me how to shave with the cap on the razor, I just went through the motions ..
Playing in the dirt and plowing the field made me happy.
I ran around the house in long shorts and no shirt
My hair was never to be fixed up
You never would catch me in a dress if I could help it .
Bows were never the things I wanted to wear
Once I started to develop I was told to wear a shirt at home, I couldn't understand it.
I just wanted to be like my brother.
There is just the thing, everyone wanted me to be more like my sister. .
For a few short dreadful years I had to play my role as a girl.
Why I asked myself why did this happen to me?
Would I ever get to be who I was supposed to be?
How could this be?.
What did I do to deserve this?
Could I fix this if I try?
But Mama I'm not attracted to a guy I would say
She would be furious all I knew was I could try to make her better.
I just had no emotion for quite some time.
Only few selects got me through that rough time.
But what is it, why did this happen to me?
I wasn't switched at birth, but simply didn't develop right.
I'm missing some of my parts, you gave me the wrong ones.
These arent what feels right and it hurts, why do people stare?
Please sir, No sir, Thank you sir, yes it's joy everytime I hear it, but why can't it always be those?
Is it really to hard to have given them 2 sons and 1 daughter, then it could of been she's just the favorite because she's a girl.
Why couldn't you have made me who I was meant to be?.
The guy that I know I really am, the guy who treats woman with respect, the guy who is kind and polite,  the guy who has manners when the time is right, the guy who repects all who repects him, the guy who has a sensetive side, the guy who is just one of guys, the guy who all girls wish they had ( yes I have been told this many of times) , the guy who always finished last due to a big factor of all the parts being wrong.
Thankfully I found the girl who would love me for who I am no matter the luggage I carry.

Hurting On The Inside,
The perfect guy trapped in a female body.

— The End —