How dare you make fun of my dead friend?
How dare you?
How dare you use his death as an excuse to say that you're happier than me?
How dare you?
Death isn't funny, and it's not something to use
Against someone.
How dare you?
It's not something to mess around with to gain sympathy,
Or to make yourself feel better simply because
You don't like someone.  
How. Dare. You.
The rage I'm feeling at the Universe we live in,
Is not directed at anything.
Except for the unfairness of life and how life
Takes the things we love most.
How dare you use that against me?
*H O W  D A R E  Y O U

I already know he doesn't love me
If he had he wouldn't have left
I know he hates me
I know he doesn't want to be my dad
I already know all of it
I know I'm the daughter he didn't want
And I know he never loved me
I'm unloved by him
It's something I've known for years
You don't have to keep reminding me that I'm unloved
Because I tell myself that everyday
I repeat in my head over and over again
Stop reminding me I'm unloved

The fat friend
The ugly sister
The dumb classmate
The second choice
That depressed girl
The hated child
The *****
The ugly duckling
The girl that will
never be good enough..

When I say, "I hate myself"
I do not speak of petty things.
I speak of hating my body because it is.
I hate my voice and my mind.
Hated fills every crevice of my soul.
It destroys the possibility of love
for the petty, pretty, blue eyes.
Hatred, hating, hate for myself.

We are the hunted
the hated
who run in packs
separate but equal
rarely together
but with similar purpose
a singular goal
to make it
through life

We are despised
for our existence
Some are fat, yet starved
Others are slutty and ravenous
Every day is a struggle
We **** and feast
fight and pray
and too often
we lose

Love is fleeting
never predictable
It's the knowledge, you see
We are but temporary
lovers, workers, friends
That truth brings about
the sadness
the madness
the end

Although your mind is corrupt with death and ******.
Even though your lungs are filled with tar and tobacco.
Even though your kidneys are strained with liter after liter of alcohol.

I still see the child in your eyes,
sitting in the corner,
afraid.
Alone.

The child that was abandoned by those he loved.
The child whose childhood was stripped from him.
The child who was forced to become a man when he wasn't ready.
The child that eventually became a monster.

My friend
When I see you I am filled with disgust.
When I see you I only see blood lust.
The child in you has gone, died out.

The object in it's place is neither man nor animal,
but the creature we were taught to fear.
As I look at you, the image goes obscured.
The ripples in the water make you indistinguishable.

So for now I say goodbye my friend.
My true friend.
My only friend.
My reflection in the water.