I already know he doesn't love me
If he had he wouldn't have left
I know he hates me
I know he doesn't want to be my dad
I already know all of it
I know I'm the daughter he didn't want
And I know he never loved me
I'm unloved by him
It's something I've known for years
You don't have to keep reminding me that I'm unloved
Because I tell myself that everyday
I repeat in my head over and over again
Stop reminding me I'm unloved

The fat friend
The ugly sister
The dumb classmate
The second choice
That depressed girl
The hated child
The *****
The ugly duckling
The girl that will
never be good enough..

When I say, "I hate myself"
I do not speak of petty things.
I speak of hating my body because it is.
I hate my voice and my mind.
Hated fills every crevice of my soul.
It destroys the possibility of love
for the petty, pretty, blue eyes.
Hatred, hating, hate for myself.

We are the hunted
the hated
who run in packs
separate but equal
rarely together
but with similar purpose
a singular goal
to make it
through life

We are despised
for our existence
Some are fat, yet starved
Others are slutty and ravenous
Every day is a struggle
We **** and feast
fight and pray
and too often
we lose

Love is fleeting
never predictable
It's the knowledge, you see
We are but temporary
lovers, workers, friends
That truth brings about
the sadness
the madness
the end

Although your mind is corrupt with death and ******.
Even though your lungs are filled with tar and tobacco.
Even though your kidneys are strained with liter after liter of alcohol.

I still see the child in your eyes,
sitting in the corner,
afraid.
Alone.

The child that was abandoned by those he loved.
The child whose childhood was stripped from him.
The child who was forced to become a man when he wasn't ready.
The child that eventually became a monster.

My friend
When I see you I am filled with disgust.
When I see you I only see blood lust.
The child in you has gone, died out.

The object in it's place is neither man nor animal,
but the creature we were taught to fear.
As I look at you, the image goes obscured.
The ripples in the water make you indistinguishable.

So for now I say goodbye my friend.
My true friend.
My only friend.
My reflection in the water.

I looked for a word to say.
   but I could not find one today.
I had hoped to find a word that would stay in your heart.
   That would show you exactly what tore us apart.

I hate what you did... I hate you so deeply.
I hate what you said... I hate you so passionately.
I hate what you made me... I hate you so sweetly.

I look at you and I cannot tell what is in your eyes.
   I speak directly to you but all that comes out of your mouth are lies.

I see how you hurt.
I see how you hurt me.
I just do not understand.

All your true feelings are kept and safely hidden in a far far away land.
   Is this a land we call love?
And now it is a destruction.
   A land God has made from above.
And now we call it seduction.

Its true in a way we both long for each other.
  But we both see to long for another.
Another human being we both thought we were
   But now it seems that this human being I thought you were is now a blur.

This is a bitter sweet heart
   That will end in eradication.
This is a bitter sweet part that needs some construction.

Why I hold on?
I do not know.
I probably will never know why.

I should move forward... Yes
But I feel like I would rather just die.

You caused obliteration deep into my heart.
You caused obliteration because you thought it was smart.

I hate what you did... I hate you so deeply
I hate what you said... I hate you so passionately.
**I hate what you made me... I hate you so sweetly

I swear I'm on to you;
your subtle way of flirting with every single thing you do.

I'm not into it.

And maybe you're just sick -
infected with an early development problem that's grown into a nasty habit.

Whatever the case may be,
it's become a source of contention.
Lately, I've been thinking -
you're just some ***** who craves attention.