How did I get here?
What year did I get
hooked? I can say
it began in 7th/8th grade,
but this has been going on
much longer.
   I was born addicted
to breathing too hard, kicking,
screaming, fighting everything
going on around me.

   I was born addicted to
burning. I have always reveled
in my own shadow. Been addicted
to addictions. Been hooked on
the Boogey man and the monsters
in my closet.
I remember,
I was 5,
tried to play with
my nightmares, but
they were playing with
my dreams and psyche.

I'm in a downwards
roller coaster. I swear it was
going up,
   Then again after all
the drugs I'm surprised
my inner ear has any sense
of direction.
I've been lost in a hurricane
filled with marijuana,
amphetamines, all the alcohol
you could wish for.
  ******, *******, Percocet, acid,
  shrooms, Ecstacy, Xanax, I've
  popped pills with no clue of the
  name.
  Snorted so many different chemicals
  I got a nose bleed for 2 hours.
  and took another bump
  when the road looked safe.

My path of addiction is
embedded in my DNA.
I swear I was born
on fire.
    I burn through each day,
    I burn through each moment,
    I burned through my own brain.
Burn out... That's what you call it.

I.

Life is crazy
In the sense that we can find love over and over
In the sense that we lose life in a matter of seconds
We arguing about money we don’t really need
While others are suffering from a lack of accessibility
My teacher taught me with enough detail you can recreate the sensation of when you first sink into an apple and it’s juices burst from within.
Beautiful and sweet,
Sometimes when they’re so ripe you can feel it tingle in your cheeks.
Chunks of delicious fruit being minced by my teeth.
Just like back in the day,
sitting in class in front of fresh apple slices and a side of peanut butter.
It was so simple then,
but now we all feel a little weighed down by the pressure from life’s various complications.
Responsibilities passed down from our parents
meant intentionally or not.
Dangers of our environment,
brothers and sisters losing their ability to hold their mothers.
Worry some how much my children might see when I’m gone.
rainbows and sunshine
some things from my childhood that still enlightens me.
A rarity and reminder that the sun will shine again tomorrow.
Let me borrow your light when I’m lost in my dark spaces.
Tracing my fingertips against the rough rocky walls,
looking for a way out,
looking for signs of life.
A slight glimmer.
Look there in the distance how it glimmers.
Bring me back when I’ve lost my way.
Illuminate my eyes as if I’m being graced by the dawns first light.
My friends seem to guide me the same,
on days I hadn’t even realized I had been locked within my own temple too long,
scheming on the outcome of this trial.
Back and forth, pacing in haste as I worry in a perpetual way,
where the hell I belong in a world like this?

II.

Look me in my eyes.
Heavily brown
Welling up
Deep blue swimming pools.
I get lost in and forget how to swim
Head under water
Suffocating over thoughts of you.
I give too much to you.
All this love for you.
Unrequited
Or maybe just misunderstood
Her eyes just like mine
But darkened with time
Very rare that she smiles
Delicate calloused hands
Long days and longer nights
Working for everybody but the girl in the mirror
I know it may look like there’s no end in sight
But when you focus on you and only you
There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll find the joy you lost
Scary thing,
When money becomes the most important
And everything else is out of focus.
Just going thru the motions.
Wishing you could turn back the hands of time.
III.

It’s harder to believe in love once you grow up
Our perspectives change drastically depending upon what it is that we see.
Not many people have what we used to call “traditional” families
And yet end up having the most compassionate and caring of hearts.
I’ve always put so much into others,
My mother taught me that,
It’s scary to think how a like we are at times.
She also taught me that you must care for yourself
Because no one has the obligation to care for you.
Just love those who love you
Because they are a rare treasure.
Metaphorically tethered to each other’s hearts
Look how easily people become important parts of each other’s lives
Sadly we can just as easily watch as they fade
Life is complicated, we all come and go with the seasons
The same way we may meet a soul that may make an impact for whatever reason
Pick your encounters, and learn from them
Always strive to be a better you
And want to understand and love yourself better too
Because if you don’t who will?
I tell you for a fact that’s real!
It takes a “real one” to understand how I feel
But I’ve stopped looking, I’m just living and having fun
Just looking forward to more days like this basking in the sun
and writing stories in the moonlight
Occasionally taking my pencil as my pilot
Just to test the heights of how far my imagination could reach
Hot on my trail, follow me into infinity
I want you to see in clarity everything I can see
In the hopes I can relay this message perfectly
Give it your all
No shame if you fall
How can you stand tall?
If you don’t answer the call.

the guitar is shaking
while it delivers a mellow sound
her voice is sweeter than the night before
"how'd ya make it so vulnerable?"
he asks timidly
"it's just the feeling"
maybe it's the guitar, I thought to myself

after she stopped singing
I bought her a drink
gave her a kiss
and call it a day for her
we went to sleep like the first time
we just stared at each other's eyes
listening to the night
sometimes I wish we could go back

it's crazy how
a year and two days ago
I went on my first date,
a year ago next week
I had my first kiss
and
it almost killed us,
a year ago next month
I did something
I can't decide if I regret or not,
and a year ago this July
I leaned that I was head
over heels for someone
who was already three steps
ahead,
moving on.

Yea it can be valued.
Yea it can hurt.
It's not always good criticism.
people can pick you apart for every little flaw.
That outfit makes you look like a boy.
Didn't know there were standards for dressing.
Mum I can start dressing exposed and female like.
Start going out in nothing at all.
How's that for female.
Just kidding.
I would never be able to walk out exposed and yeah no.

Retar Puso "white" plus "heart"
Aeoprrstu - alphabetical order
Par es tu or - "pairs to err?"
Pears Tour - "pairs to err"

Hmm .....
White Heart Pears Tour?
WHPT?

Wild Heart Plus Two
Wild Hearts Pair Together
Windows Hold Painful Tremors
Wandering Hearts Pave Trails
Wherever Heart Pains Travel
Whoever Hurts, Push Through
Whirling Havoc, Peaceful Tornado
Whispering Havoc, Peaceful Times
With Her Pieces Together
Watching Human Populations Thriving
With Hunger People Thirst
With Hope People Try
Withdraw Here, Petty Thieves
Wonderful Horses, Ponies Too
Wishes Have Ponderous Thoughts,
Words Hold Power There
Words Hold Precious Things
With Hate People "Thu-ffer"

Haha okay so I'm messing around but this is so much fun!

Wondering How People Think
With Hubris Princes Topple
With Haste Poor Tidings
Work Hard, Plentiful Tidings
Wanted, Humble Proper Teachings
Warped Hatred Produces Terror
Working Hands Produce Treasures
Worried hesitations produce Trepidations?
Wave Hello Pretty Thing
Where's Harry Potters Trunk