I loved you.
But we couldn't be together.
They said it was wrong.
I told you not to care.
But you let it get to you.
They said
"A girl should never be with another girl"
But they don't understand that I am not a girl.
I am stuck in this body of a girl.
But my mind is that of a boy.
They'll never understand.
I begged you
"Please stay. We can hide"
But you said no.
It was wrong.
We were wrong for each other.
That women should never be together.
I loved you.
You lied.
You said you loved me.
Then why did you leave me?
I'm not a girl.
Yet you let their words get to you.
Let them trick your heart
And you left me.
But I loved you.
I love you.
Don't go.
I loved you.

I am in love with a girl that has the prettiest smile, who basks in the morning light with a pillow shoved on her head and a grumble of 'five more minutes'
I am in love with a boy that has the prettiest eyes. who loves watching the moon and stars and has eyes that are just as grey as the clouds above him.

I am in love with a girl that has bad days almost everyday, and texts me about her new level on a video game to try and distract me from her feelings
I am in love with a boy that has a bad past and rarely talks about it, and when he does it's little snippets sprinkled with funny stories to lighten the mood

I am in love with a girl that told me one day she was now a boy, and I assured him I would call him by the right pronouns and name and he cried.
I am in love with a boy that told me one day he is still a boy, and I assured him I already knew and told him his dress was still cute, and he grinned.

I am in love with a gender fluid boy that sometimes loves dresses and sometimes wants nothing but his chest to be flat and his voice to be deep.
I am in love with someone who's idea of perfection isn't what he sees in the mirror, instead it's when you love someone and all their faults, but I assure him that he is mine either way.

do they ever ask you your gender on a form and
just let you
answer no

sometimes when they leave a blank line for you to write on
I just write
lol

it's all too funny to engage with
where to be begin
tell me why we're still doing this

I don't fit.
If only it were that easy. If only I could go to a different store and find a better size. If only I could unzip this skin and find a better fit.
My body feels foreign as I move and stretch, watching my reflection in the mirror. This cannot be me. It can't be.
Because I do not have ******* today. I do not have a large, curvaceous body.
No. Today, I should have a flat chest. I should have muscular arms and stubble on my chin.
But I don't.
Instead I see who I once was. Who I was yesterday is not who I am today is not who I will be tomorrow. I want my current body.
I want the body that fits.

I love her.

With every inch of me, since day one.
When her hair is messy.
Uncombed and curly,
Pulled back into a sloppy ponytail
That falls so chaotically across her shoulders.
With several strands pulled out, framing her face.
A cigarette delicately tucked, safely behind her ear.

I love her.
After she wakes up.
Eyes blackened from her obsessive and excessive use of makeup.
With awful breath and resting ***** face,
She is Beautiful.

I love her.
When we stand outside.
And rays of sunshine illuminate her brown eyes,
Turning them into endless vats of amber,
Untouched by man.
Glistening until the end of time.

I love her.
When she is curled into me.
Sleeping deeply and soundly,
Snoring louder than my thoughts,
Shaking and Twitching from whatever goes on in her beautiful subconscious.

I love her.
With no expectations of reciprocation.
I understand I do not fit the criteria due to inevitable reasons.
One day I will, and it will be beautiful.

I love her.
And because of that I will change.
I will become what she needs because if I have her my body does not matter.
She is the one of my dreams.
The one I think about at midday and midnight.
The one my most lovely of poems are of.
The one I have only truly loved.
She does not find me attractive in the way I do her.

But that is okay.
Because I love her.
And one day,
She Will Love Me

Mother doesn’t know I wear boy clothes on Sunday
doesn’t see me smile anymore, only bow my head
in Shame and Diligence
a coal brand where my Adams apple should be,
isn’t there, but her hands are
choking me
I quake in her symmetry
I am odd ball creature.

Separation anxiety and harpoon sling kisses,
a love like a boxing club.

Apparently I'm ordinary
And I should be in the binary
I shouldn't be sad
But I get yelled at when I get mad
And I just want to be fine
As I need a sign
To know the guidelines

this morning
i am stuck

i am stuck
between
Blue
and
Pink

every morning
i face the same decision
and ask the question
how do i feel today?

and every morning
i struggle
not because i cant find the answer
but because im scared of it

because i know
that i cant be Purple
thats too confusing

but i feel Purple