josef
joseeef
the gay one
i like you a lot
you’re the best
jose-
i think you're gay
but that’s ok because it’s
priiide month

i’m your hostage
got me under lock-and-key
your smile is my handcuffs
and your irises my shackles

my ransom hasn’t been set
no negotiators met
blow your cigarette
smoke on my face

keep me in your room
under your bed
near to where your
jumpers and cds are kept

I kissed someone last night
But something was off
Her lips pressed against mine
We made it clear that it was platonic
But the whole time
I was thinking of him
The sound of his voice
When he talks about something he loves
The way he curses when he drops his trombone
His laugh
His sigh
I don't think I've ever liked a girl
I kissed someone last night
And it was so, so wrong.

your true colours remind me of my old bruises
the hues, the truth stuck in my throat
the feeling of being useless
your truth cannot rectify the divide inside
the echoing of inner child cries
the pain is stuck inside
choking on my insecurities
you were supposed to be my security
the foundation is weak
too scared to speak
choking on my impurity
will you still stay through the grey?
when i rain, will you hide away?
strive today for a idyllic place
to lay my head, to plan, protect
to understand your hands
as soft not violent
as truth not sufficing
why is my heart so divided?
can we make amends?

Her kitchen is my safe haven,
Nutritious and full of sweet aroma,
She is a professional,
She knows how to feed my cravings,
Unlimited service 24/7,
Hey, here is your tip.

The same way I tricked my mind to love you,
In spite of  all the red flags and emotional torture,
Is the same way I'll  trick my mind to hate you.

william william william william william william william william william william

w
wi
wil
will
willi
willia
william  
willia
willi
will
wil
wi
w

william william william william william william
william william william william william william william william william william william william
william william william william william william

do i like him
yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

will i ever be with him
probably not probably not probably not probably not

am i sad about it
yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

why do i like him
his eyes, his smile, his music taste, his curly hair, his sense of humour, his laugh, him

like an inaccessible mountain
he stands there
looking majestic and
beautiful
i will not ever be with him
and looking at him reminds me
he is not mine
he will not be mine
he can not be mine
unless god intervenes

i don’t want clever conversation
never want to work that hard
i just want someone that i can talk to
i want you just the way you are


not going to be his
not going to be anything but a friend
not going to run my hands through his black curls
not going to see him after we graduate college
not going to talk to him
not going to spend maths lessons with him
not going to talk to him in pe
not going to shove him again

what will i do
get a husband that’s not as good as him
one that doesn’t make me laugh like he does
one who doesn’t have his sense of humour, his curls, his music taste
one that isn’t him

what a **** life
a life without will french
a life without the man who makes me feel like someone cares about me

a life without oxygen
i don’t want to compromise
i’d rather have him
please god
god
god
god
lord
jesus
father
please
yahweh
let me be with him
a heaven without him isn’t heaven
heaven is perfect
he is perfect
perfection
perfect like
the rain
a black cat
his eyes
his hair
his freckles