your thoughts harbour
in my heart within
your love is my armour
no matter fat or thin

your words linger
in deep of my mind
I'm a puppet of your finger
I request you to be kind

you abandoned me
in the middle
my love couldn't be
this little

if you plan to hurt
hurt me little hard
mix me to dirt
and push me in the dark

I may not be able
to crawl back to you
love is no gamble
to accept and threw
Oh dear! I still love you.

Crocodile tears, as they would say. Burn down my face, and burn down my life.
Want is a ***** desire, manipulation it's partner.
Leaving salted ground as a reminder of what's no longer there.
Unforgiving, and unknowing of what is right or what is fair.
My love, my life, myself. All lost in the gamble.

I converse with the insane,
And I see dead people,
I seek no fame,
Or salvation from church steeples,
I am alone,
Yet in my head we are many,
A clamoring of voices,
Above the anarchy of it all,
This world is broken, a place where life is a gamble,
And familial bonds are broken down in shambles,
I am a grateful dead, of a time long forgotten,
And like that I shall remain, till my bones are long rotten.

I beg you to stop sleepwalking in my dreams!
Your once unfamiliar face keeps on popping up like a surprise.
I tried to shove your ghost into the darkness,
into the abyss of my subconsciousness
but you keep on escaping with the ladder my heart made.
I vowed not to ever think of you again -
to make you a stranger once more.
But the heart is cruel,
It plays and gambles
until I lose to it.
This heart is very cruel indeed.

Reached in and picked a winner
from your box of stock phrases.
Finding ways
to roll zero on 2d6.
You ******' missed
                        "**** the bed!"
I guess you're no Kenny Rogers.
Longer losing streaks familiar
to the wisdom of a betting man.

"Carpe Diem" on your calf,
laugh your way to the bank.
But put a stutter on your chuckle
'til the day they seize your wages.
If it "happens for a reason,"
fold your cards and hold your tongue in.
                           Hold your tongue and
                           clamp your teeth.

"What it is is what it is."
That's a "tautology."
They taught me that one in college,
when I took critical theory!
If you seek an explanation,
you're just critically faulting
                           on your dice rolls
                           and your debts.

Reached in and hit the bottom
of your box of stock phrases.
Finding ways
to keep afloat on empty words.
You ******' missed.
                           "Feeling blessed?"
Turns out you're no Kenny Rogers.
Longer losing streaks familiar
to the wisdom of a betting man.

written November 19, 2013

"Why do I feel as if I'm going to burst into flames - a growing spark that even the slightest bit of wind can't put out
The stress boils through my blood
The assumptions I branded into my brain have taken over me and my heart is racing
And so far I'm in first place
Because I can't focus on anything else but the presence of you and your little mind games - are you trying to make me fall in love with you? Or fall into your bed where you can make love to me?
These two questions jump across my corpus callosum
Playing hop scotch back and forth and back and forth
You see I can picture it my mind but logically, it makes no sense
That you would ever have feelings for me
So I'm torn between the ideas of love and lust and that **** you pulled Saturday?
It's got me contemplating my feelings constantly
My mind is supposed to stay present yet it wanders to the past to where my heart wants to be, back in your arms snuggling on the couch watching a movie
It's no doubt I want you
Yet, I lie to myself and say 'at least he's being a gentleman about it'
But no matter how many paid dinners for you to see the artisan in act, it will never pay for the amount of love I have for you
So here I am, type type typing the words into the lonely phone awaiting a simplistic three letter message saying 'hey'
Three
simple
letters
would make my heart grow
three
times
fonder"

written October 8, 2014

"But what are you supposed to do when you fall in love with someone who's already in love with someone else?

My anxiety rose as the thought of you coming inside approached me, ripped my breath out from under my lungs and had me scared to pieces
all to be in your presence

You're too sweet to me and it's leading me on but it's not the same as it once was, you see, i'm single and you have a girlfriend of eight months
I can't believe the predicament I'm in
I can't stand myself for falling for every guy who shows me attention but you, you were something special
Not one guy I know treated me the way you treated me
With so much love and care
I just can't wrap my head around it
Why I seem to still be in love with you
but I know that ship has sailed and it was a missed opportunity that I will always regret
And I'm so sorry for choosing him over you"