Written December 1, 2015

"I feel like I'm having the same conversation with guys
Hi's turn into Bye's
lies in turn make me cry
How am I supposed to summarize all of this into one line?
I'm trying.
'Babe' and "Baby, you're the one'
But have you heard, that one means none when you're blind sided and reminded that there is other's who you'd rather be with?
And you realize, your words are myths, spitting out the syllables you just want me to hear
Pet names are  nothing but music to our ears
The day-to-day conversations from dawn to dusk are intriguing
But when you really look deeply, they're just words with no meaning
A lonely tactic, a feen for something more
Until the conversation closes, for I was a bore
From here it's the same love story, the way it always tends to end
I'll get the last word, press send, and then pretend as if your lack of response doesn't hurt me,
although it's killing me inside
Then I wish upon 11:11 for you to at least come to a compromise
You'll come around the bend again, and I'll try and act strong
But strong just isn't strong enough, I've missed you way too long
The story then repeats itself, a fairy tale no one enjoys
Welcome to your 'happily ever after'
when talking to a **** boy."

You don't deserve any of this.

You don't deserve the smiles I try to hide back whenever people merely mention your name.

You don't deserve me happily listening to love songs and absent-mindedly dedicating them for you.

You don't deserve my feelings when I'm high off my mind, looking back down from the clouds, wishing for nothing but your presence silhouetting mine.

You don't deserve my drunken texts when I feel like I'm wasting my youth away; it's ironic how even though I can't form coherent sentences and I barely remember my own name, you still ****** my thoughts and lurk behind the shadows of my mind, like a spell I've been wanting to cast myself free from since the day I first met you.

You don't deserve my midnight blues when I drown myself in sad songs and relentless thoughts of you, along with endless voices screaming and questioning why I'll never be good enough to be called yours.  

Above all, you don't deserve me.

*(So why do I always find myself crashing back to you?)

You say, “Stillness is the goal.”
I’d like to know who YOU is
When you’re driving round the block
dodging love,
in her bed,
****** her head..
& still your mind’s like
a gentle stream
& you pretend
like you ain’t mean
But boy, you’re a dancing devil
slashing through a
peaceful field
you thrive off her destruction.

I forgot your face and the sound of your voice.
I forgot your smell of your perfume and even the color of your eyes.

I think less of you, you know.
I'm almost cured but,
You leave this mark in me, a scar inside of me.

Your words, the way you used to look at me,
the interest you had for me.

I fell too easily and now I understand my error.
I treated you like a man but you are still a little boy.

You made me a mess of your hungry kisses and the strings of your guitar.
I chose to not be the **** you seek

I was your 'girl' and your 'wife'
But then the storm came ruining the both of us
And I woke up naked and lonely
This was how I turned out to be your cold meat.

Give you everything I am,
Let you in
Practically give myself to you
dragged it out for just over a year
and you choose to tell me now
Good ******* job you ****
*******

You ****** my lifeless body with passion
All I could focus on was the ceiling
Because looking at your dead eyes
Or your strong build reminds me that it's not real,
You don't love me you my body
You don't want me you want my body
You like me better on my knees
Or when I'm shouting Please

"What are you up to?" his simple text said
"Just eating cereal and laying in bed."
"What if I was with you." He responded with ease, "I guess I'd get more cereal if i please" and that's when he said it, that simpering lad, that stupid response that makes us all mad.
My mind filled with dread,with a twist in my gut,
I picked up my phone then read "Haha,then what ;)"
"And then what?!" Shocked by his assumptious pleas,
"Leave me alone, I'm begging you please"
And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, he muttered those three dreaded words. Yes, I kid you not. That little *****.
I opened his message that read "pic 4 pic?"
The I retorted: "No do not send your unsolicited 'pics', I can surely see past your little tricks."
And that's when things took an alarming switch
The boy with the wounded ego replied, "You're just an ungrateful *****"
The very next morning, the boy put on his fedora and let out with a sign, "Why does no one like me? I am such a nice guy"

it still
       hurts but
                   it doesn't
                               **** me
                                         anymore.