I think a part of me will never let go,
hanging onto every last message,
every last word,
every last breath.
God, i pray that you will help me let go.
Because thats all i want.
To be comforted by your word,
your voice,
your faith.
Its different from every other time,
because im stuck on the thought that i couldve done something to stop this from happening.
Lord, leave me the way.

I would sit with the stubbornness of a child
Dragging down my face, a question on my lips,
“Who was Jesus? How did he save us?”

I only received scoffs in return,
Disbelief as busy adults said “What did he do?
Be serious.”
They never understood that I was.

Unaware of His presence and His love,
I curled into myself, wondering why I always
Failed at satisfying the standard I had
Carefully constructed in my head—
It turned out, I was only waiting
For God's perfect timing.

It was slow--a sluggish trial
Of Him holding out his hand, and mine
Hovering tentatively, not fully convinced.
But He spoke through those around me,
He filled the emptiness I had walked around with
Like a book with blank pages, chapters filled in
At the binding. He gave me a community,
Something that was completely unfamiliar
And alien considering the isolation I was so
Accustomed with. Gradually, I turned to face Him.
I talked to Him under rain-soaked trees and rooms
Infused with the fear of darkness, and He offered
The resolute peace of His love and guidance—

I will never forget the day of extended worship,
One voice flowing through the music, settling
Itself in my heart as I stood alcoved in a hallway,
A borrowed guitar clutched close & eyes full of tears
I was suddenly becoming unafraid of. That anxiety,
That defining phobia of never being enough,
He began to heal as I took His hand and let Him
Give me the strength to persevere through
Something
 I didn’t believe myself capable of.

In that moment, leading up to it, and even now,
When I know there is so much left for Him
To teach me, I feel the unburdening weight
Of his purpose for me—His sovereignty
Over the life I tried to control, year
After year, with my own understanding.

I will never know everything, but I finally

Comprehend what Jesus did for me--
And that knowledge continues
To motivate everything I am,
A daughter of God, into pursuing
An eternal relationship with Him,
Unhindered by my self-righteousness
And fear of failing to fulfill his plan.

Jesus truly is Everything.

I sought recovery.
After my first breakup.
Social service attracted me.
I volunteered to teach for free.

Soon, I was back to old ways.
Delving deep into romance,
Finding my lucky chance,
Addiction called me again.

A co-volunteer she was.
And why not? Why not?
Me, she found interesting,
Who doesn't like an artist?

But she was a cold-blooded narcissist.
Yes, bigger than me, bigger than me,
Her pursuits included the world,
My pursuit was limited to her.

What went on in my life,
What she put me through,
What I found myself dealing with,
What I went through during that time.

Tasked with thirteen exams,
Me she had challenged,
Her narcissistic ways,
I cleared them all,

She was a liar,
Had a bloated ego,
I deflated her balloon,
She finally inflated mine.