Once again it was past midnight
when I woke up from my lethargy
and I couldn't feel a thing.

Nothing has changed
after all these years I couldn't live,
I'm still whining and crying
pointing to the sky with trembling hands,
waking up watching the same day over and over
and I can't help but keep asking to the void,

why am I staring at the same ceiling,
writhing in the same agony,
recalling the same gone days,
locked up in the same rotten body?

Because no one will answer,
please, God,
release me.

being (you eat you buy you die)

eating seconds 1 2 3 4 5
swallowing minutes 57 58 59 60
gobbling hours 9 10 11 12
drinking days monday to friday
fighting months for all four seasons
killing years: five decades
retiring

being (you eat you buy you die)

Shelves upon shelves
The walk to my dorm is
a supermarket aisle. It’s
all the same product. A
Cactus on a window sill.
But mine always feels
diseased compared to
their terrariums and

Boxed in comfort, measured
to cost. 4 home bought pin
Ups, Indie purple, indie gold,
Indie black and white, on a
35cm by 35cm photo board.
You aren’t allowed blue tac
on the walls.

When is the right time
To make a decision
To bring the result expected
In the short time?
when sleep
I hope that my mind calm
The storm inside my heart
And slowly burning in my soul.
I'd love to say that renews me
Lie down and be able to rest
Without worrying about the ****
The whole world is doing around.
According tired unsure
If even I slept or stayed awake
Or that period of time where
It is not known what the exact place.
When I get up I see a strange world
And I wonder if even belong
In this load of crap
That is present in every corner of the window.
Reborn and die as well as sleep and wake
Every day that passes, every year
And the meaning of existence is lost
If it ever even had any.
When I think I catch something,
Even if it seems a small thing,
Become the ultimate of humanity,
In an almost complete rarity.
I run like a wild one
Do not know where, I have no idea,
Just run, just run
As a mad mad completely tormented.
If no secret even in this life
I do not know, not found and no wonder.
I only know that I was born. When? Someday!
I do not know, do not know or want to know.
Only interested me the 'when' of things.
The amount no longer matters so much,
After all, at that time of life,
The time of things is important.
Schizophrenia embraced arrives at the age,
Senility kiss my lips
And practically asks me to marry
In a final story already announced and predictable.
When?
Now!
Senile, anyway.
Amen!

okay so think of yourself as a separate being. detached from the earth and its functions.

every speck of dust has its own meaning

i think about the world in ways that are too hard for even me to understand. every small speck of dust came from somewhere. The earth was created by the  pure desire of the celestial beings in outer space. They thought of us, so we were. And i may not believe in god but i do believe the world was meant to be here. I believe everything has an equal or opposite reaction and i believe we have a purpose. Not a purpose or a duty to the world or the universe but a duty to yourself. i think everyones one true duty is to find absolute happiness before the end of their days or die trying.

the atmosphere is filled with invisible beings and even every one of those has a meaning.
i came across this video the other night and this beautiful human was speaking about how we as humans are too scared of vulnerability. I think she is so right. we are living our lives day by day by day and we keep everything in for ourselves because we fear rejection and we feel like a burden to everyone we speak to and that is not how it should be. i thin we should go back to days where human emotion meant something to everyone. when it was valued. right now we are all so ******* in what everyone thinks of our tears that we forget to let them out. and tears a corrosive they will destroy you from the inside out if you don’t let them go in time and i just think its so vital to be in touch with yourself to remember to not destroy you r mind. we need to take care of ourselves. and i can see that, even as a person who doesn't take care of herself i know that there is value in us as people.

we live in a world of people who can do so much to change the world and make it a better place but we are so hell bent on keeping everything for ourselves that we are doing more damage.  
somehow i want to be someone to unite people for the better and eliminate all of the harmful forces in the world. it seems unrealistic but i am not looking for realistic i am looking for optimistic

Ive never understood why I think the way I do.
It wasn't until I opened up about it that my friend gave me clarity.
It wasn't until the words "existencial crisis" left her lips
That I understood these sudden feelings of why I was alive.
Why I do things I do.
Why I think what I think.
Why I think of every question in the world at one particular moment.
So I guess I have an extended crisis
Because I'm never not thinking the question
"Why?"