Mia is best friends with Ana, and Ana is best friends with Sue,
one day Sue saw me and said I love you.
Ana said I'll love you 10 pounds lighter, Mia said plus 5 pounds less.
Sue said I'll gladly take off  2 pounds of unwanted stress.
Ana told me I was fat, other people did too,
So I  believed Ana was so very true.
Ana told Mia to help get rid of all my  stress.
So then tomorrow I can fit into my brand new dress,
I asked how many pounds until you will love me.
Ana said just 5 pounds lighter, and  Mia said just 3 pounds less,
and Sue said I'll gladley take away all the unwanted stress.
So I pulled out my blades to talk to Sue,
she said, " dont forget I was the only one who truly loved you."

Pink ballet tights don't hide cuts.
Leotards black as smoke don't conceal all the regrets I have swallowed.
My perfect bunhead doesn't pull together all the loose ends of my mind.
I'm sorry mom that somewhere between your migraines and stress your daughter ran into the bathroom.
I'm sorry Dad that you try so hard and you always end up with ***** ups.
I was supposed to be the perfect one.
I have tried to be perfect for so long.
I gave up when I learned that society feeds us chocolate covered concrete.
I gave up when the sun went down and the moon never came up.
I gave up when the mirror started to grab my eyes and made me stare.
I gave up when I couldnt give up.
Now I'm just trying to appear perfect.
I'm faking everyone out
I'm so fun to talk to
I'm such a happy girl
Mom I will do ballet and help you clean
Daddy I will run so you can be proud
You deserve to be proud of something
I'm just sorry that it has to be fake.
I don't know how long this will go on
Just try to enjoy the show while it lasts.

Sticks
Bones
Lines
Length
You.
want.
this.
Is it worth
Starving
Injuries
Sickness
Cuts
Abuse
y e s.

It's simple, simple simplicity
You can't regurgitate
What you don't eat.

I found some jeans in my closet
They are from last year
I got really excited
I decided to try them on
They didn't fit over my thighs
It really made me cry
I know I have gained weight
These jeans are just another reason why
I am going to give starving another try.
I will fit into those jeans
Even if I die trying.
They hang in my closet with a smile
Just mocking me as I stuff my face with food. They are killing me. I'm killing me. Food is not worth it.

If you feel hungry
Drink water.
Drink as much water as you can.
Still hungry?
Go take a shower.
Take four showers for all I care.
Still hungry?
Draw a picture.
Paint your toenails.
Do anything except eat.
Someone just offered you food.
What are you going to do?
Are you going to eat it?
Are you going to waste your whole day?
Eating doesn't help anything.
You aren't even hungry.
You are the problem.
Why would you make yourself fatter?
Why feed the problem?
Stop.
Put it down.
Say no.

This is what I go through every single day.
I am getting so tired.
It *****.

I scratch at my rib cage
Nails clawing at my skin
As if I could scrape away
The extra weight I feel I've gained

It's like the devil's inside of me
He's disfiguring my bones
I fall to my aching knees
God make him leave me alone

Trapped inside my eyes I'm  screaming
The numbers on my scale are screeching
Their maniacal laughter devours my dreams
Someone save me I'm afraid to sleep


-ARI

It's not like you wake up one day

     and you suddenly hate every inch.

It happens gradually
    
     an inch at a time.

I remember where mine started

    and how it grew like wild fire.

Until it consumed me
  
     an inch at a time.

I found myself
full
after a day
of starvation
and I look in the mirror
disgusted by
not only my external
appearance
but my inner demons
as well

We have thoughts
about everything
we come in contact with,
but I never saved
my better judgments
for me

Perhaps I have used up
too much kindness
on everyone else
until there is none
left
at the end of the day
to spread through my fingertips
onto the skin
I occupy
but cannot seem
to love