i wish it was easier to understand
how some days i can be full of energy
warm, joyous, laughing
when the next day i can be lifeless
laying in my bed wishing it was my coffin
cold, miserable, crying

sometimes i feel powerful
like i could run for miles
or fight my way to the top
sometimes i feel defenseless
like i can only ***** up
and i give up fighting at all

some days my depression takes control
and it changes who i am
it alters my personality
drains me of my energy
and weighs me down

some days it feels like nobody could ever love me
like hot-and-cold mood swings
nobody knows if i’ll give in and cancel plans
or not call them back
if only i could find the energy or the confidence to not be ashamed of myself

i have to remember that i am who i am on my good days
and that true friends will stick around
but how much can i ask of them?
how many times will it take until they too give up?

how long until i give in
for good?

I hate this feeling
This feeling I’m feeling is a feeling that’s not appealing
This feeling I’m feeling is way to unappealing I scream to god “why aren’t I healing?”
This feeling that’s revealing,
People see what I’ve been dealing with and It’s hard to express this feeling I’m feeling  better cover it up better start concealing it…
I can’t say a word though… to anyone about it …because if I do I’d cry,
I’m depressed and people ask me why I get high?
Because I feel college is getting dry
This isn’t what I expected, this is all a lie
The thoughts of me failing would only leave me mortified
Got me in my dorm thinking why should I even try?
Beating me up leaving me with this ugly black eye
And people got a nerve to ask me why I get high?
That’s why I get high
This is what college is about?
This is why I’d cry
Now a days I get so busy and overwhelmed I don’t even have time to admire the blue sky
I’m drained
This feeling I’m feeling make me lean to god more and more I pray I get some faith healing
Kneeling on my knees I pray for the answers I’ve been needing
The negative voices in my head are getting louder and louder
The words that my demon has been speaking can get a little much
I’m screaming I can’t bare to feel this feeling that I’m feeling
I’m stressed
But the cutie on the 8th floor got my back
Call him down for some ****** healing
After he’s gone I’m still left with this feeling that I’m feeling
I’m done
But I can’t be, people say have courage and I’m trying to
They say I’ll be right here for you
But this feeling I’m feeling is so unappealing I just don’t want to feel it anymore

I just want to cry
I can't seem to do that lately
My mess is all bottled up inside
But the cork is ******* on tightly
Tears don't come as fast it should
What an unnerving feeling
My emotions has betrayed me
Has drained me
I am feeling nothing and everything at once
It makes the room spin slightly
A hole where the loudness started
Has grown bigger each day
Sneaking its way into my dreams
To torment me awake
I lay in silence til dawn breaks
I do not feel safe
Sleep, old friend
Come as soon as you can