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V May 2019
I feel like an invader in my skin,
Show me,
Help me,
To own it once again.
Been more and dissociative lately,
I hate the feeling of being able to look into a mirror, and not see yourself,
Or never feel at home inside your own skin.
CL Fjell May 2019
Living the life I'm not
Watching the world unfold
A passenger on the journey
To a magical land I call--
Nowhere

Since the day I left
I've never fully returned
Only pieces of who I thought I was
Slowly drifting away from
Who I really am.

When will I find where my ghost is heading?
Days?
Years?
Eons?
Or am I already here, maybe the
Journey ended when I found
I'm not who I really am.
Outside of myself
misha Apr 2019
It is sweet to look up at the moon at night,
and know that she sings me a song.
In every moment that I take to pay attention,
to be distracted, to become lost.
Perhaps to be someone else.
Floating by on borrowed time.

Try on a different identity,
perhaps one that will be better liked.
Pluck the tail from a falling star,
and wear it, as a crown.
Unfortunately here, there are no stars to be seen.
We tried our best to drown out their light.
With the harsh glare of our own.

And then I found myself floating in space
on a pair of ink stained wings.
Watching myself walking in circles,
around the edge of the black hole.
Never falling in, never pulling away.
Living in perfect stasis, echoed throughout the universe.
Each instance of me, a radiant shadow.

Each instance of me, a masked queen
sprawled on a throne of falling stars.
Watching myself ride the cascade,
but unable to stop the spiral.
Finally- we would cross the event horizon.
Finally- we would be plunged across existence.
Finally- we would be able to feel the rain.

The sweet rain, that now soaks through my clothes.
It must have been an hour, maybe two.
Someone is probably looking for me,
but which instance of me are they interested in?
The one who watches from afar?
Or any of the other echoes.
Because I could fracture again, at a moment’s notice.

With a blink, the streetlights turn off,
leaving me bathing in twilight.
As the sun struggles to rise for they day,
I notice the last note of the last morning star.
And I can focus again.
Even the sun and the stars
are a little like me.
Meggie Delaney Apr 2019
Sometimes there's something jarringly disparate About the fresh sea salt fog and the beauty queen moon of the Monterey wharf.

Sometimes you need the painfully cold sludge of a Cleveland street with no sidewalks and the crying skeletons of trees to match your black coffee soul.
Feedback is always appreciated! Thank you!
Meggie Delaney Apr 2019
I feel as though
I've been letting red wine pass through my lips
Tasting only it's bitterness and none of it's beautiful numb

I've been crunching on cardboard that I've mistaken for holy
communion
And everyone else is too ashamed for my sake to call me a fool

I've been in a fevered, drugged up half dream, unable to escape the waking world and never having touched a pill

My whole perception is teetering and careening
Seasick between inability to escape, and everything feeling unnervingly too real

But nothing is beautiful in this fairy land.
Feedback is always appreciated! Thank you!
Hello Daisies Apr 2019
Numb deep within
Can't feel my feet
Up to my heart
Do i exist?

Anytime i feel
It hurts
Everyrhing races
i am afriad

I can't remeber
Ever belonging
Not in a social sense
Or being real

I get too tired
I feel as a child
Seeing monsters
Giant man eating
Lobsters
Demons running amok
Every breath of mine is bad
Luck

I swear to god
I belong in a mental institute
Im not real
Are you?

I'm alone
Ive been alone forever
And ever more
I'll be alone

My life is flashing
It's all been so quick
And I've hated every second
Of my breathing

I miss my mother
I miss my brothers
My whole family
I think played a big whammy
They must be fake too
My scared eyes sometimes see
Through

Theres a veil you see
Doctors say it's anxiety
Thats a lie to keep me busy
We aren't real

I'm so scared
I can't describe this fear
It never leaves me
I'm shivering and afraid
The monsters coming to consume me

Look hard enough
You'll see real mosnters
Slenderman and demons
Theyre all real
Mocking us

Im still a little girl
Sad and afriad of the world
All i see is fear and creatures
Lurking with no ****** features
No one will hold me
My soul is ******* empty

Is god real
Why won't he answer me
He probabaly is around
And ignoring me
That is the theme of my
Reality

Can someone just hold me
Let me forget my dark reality
Im so ******* afraid
I must be extremely brave
I see demons larger then i can comprehend
Yet i go out and still stand

If someone held me
And didn't leave
Maybe for ahwile
I would feel real
And not as a scared
Child
I get exhausted and dossociate from realoty
Andie Mar 2019
My body is just a vessel so don't bother falling for it
I find myself falling out of it every day
The way I keep falling out of love
I didn't know souls could be so clumsy
But I'm sliding on the black ice in my brain
If I'm still there, the ice is melting and I'm filling my pockets with the puddles
The weight of the world is incredible but I float like a balloon
No one's holding on to me and I wish I could see the ground and know what gravity feels like
I hear gravity has a pull
But I've never been pulled toward something before
I just float on
I wish someone could give me a gentle tug instead of just making me their amusement
I'm not all that pretty to look at and I'm better to hold
Tie me to your wrist and I'll show you what we've missed
February 2019, This one is about dissociation and the cycles of dysmorphia I experience; with the assistance of undetected health scares, I've felt disconnected from my body throughout my life and this lack of awareness of my own body really messes with my identity. I also like to touch on how ****** it feels to be valued by many people only for this vessel that I have limited control over and not my soul :) Recently, I've recovered some autonomy and felt powerful by making decisions about piercings and tattoos and making them my own, reclaiming my body despite others opinions :) feels good.
mars Mar 2019
I woke up screaming with no sound, his greasy hands that touched me in my dreams still linger on sensitive skin.
The School parking lot is full of children as clueless as me, the call comes in and my dog is dying. The phone falls into the passenger seat, I pull out to the highway.
As the children of the sun begin to wake, the speed limit increases and the windows stay down. Neil Young yells his poems and I yell my curses, roll punches at whoever’s listening because I don’t know who to blame besides myself.

It’s not just about the dog, mom.
My life only looks good depending on what angle you look at it.
Through the grained mist that makes up this Monday morning the sun shines through and heats up the sand. I let the waves meet my ankles, soaking the ends of my jeans.
Dropping my head, tears slap the shells. Nothing seems to be working and I miss my dog.
But I can’t watch him die.

And just like all things that die around me, I turn away and head to a beach somewhere. To sit in my underwear and bra beneath the shade of a palm tree and shake with sobs.
Evie Mar 2019
may i ask
who gave you the right
to have such power
to ruin my body
to wear my skin
******* freak
stop stuffing my face
you ******* freak
recently its all been blurred
like did you put something in my drink
while i was pretending looking away
i feel so distanced
life feels so unreal
i look in the mirror
i see you impostor
blurred vision making it almost seem like
this is me
a ******* freak
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