I have a bestfriend that’s clinging to me -
It’s forever wrapped around my body.
I try to shake it off and be free,
But it wants to keep me away from everybody.

“Everything is dangerous,” it whispers to me,
And I do my best to block its voice out.
“They’re all going to leave you, can’t you see?”
I can’t lie, it sometimes makes me doubt.

I have a bestfriend that’s clinging to me -
It’s forever wrapped about my body.
I try to shake it off and be free,
But it wants to keep me away from everybody.

“You’re not good at anything,” it constantly cries,
And I fear it’s speaking the truth this time.
“You’ll never be able to do what you want!” it advises -
Trying to change anything now feels like a crime.

I have a bestfriend that’s clinging to me -
It’s forever wrapped about my body.
I try to shake it off and be free,
But it wants to keep me away from everybody.

“I’m trying to keep you safe!” it screams,
All of its warning alarms are growing too loud.
“You’re too worthless to have dreams.”
The sirens are making my mind overcrowded.

I have a bestfriend that’s clinging to me -
It’s forever wrapped about my body.
I try to shake it off and be free,
But it wants to keep me away from everybody.

“Can’t you leave me alone already?” I cry,
And it just laughs at my feeble tries,
Saying, “not until the day you die-”
“I’m training you to be wise.”

I have a bestfriend that’s clinging to me -
It’s forever wrapped about my body.
I try to shake it off and be free,
But it wants to keep me away from everybody.

I can’t breath, I don’t want your warnings anymore!
“You can’t get rid of me, I’m everything to you.”
All of the warning sirens have combined into a loud roar,
Not a single thought can actually get through.

I have a bestfriend that’s clinging to me -
It’s forever wrapped about my body.
I try to shake it off and be free,
But it wants to keep me away from everybody.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
“What are you doing to me?” it faintly panics,
“I thought we were bestfriends until death!”
My mind starts to quiet and I feel a true balance.

“Not anymore!” I shout into the silence,
“This is my mind and I get to decide what’s right!”
It softly cries, “don’t you want my guidance?”
I say nothing, and force it to retreat despite.

I had a bestfriend that clung to me -
It tried to choke my body.
I shook it off to be free,
I don’t want to hide from everybody.

Cries pleading out in the dark,
New fears beginning to embark.
Goosebumps rising, sweat dripping,
Anxiety inside, fastly crippling.

Trying so hard to conceal,
All these fears I have to feel.
Faking all those laughs and smiles,
My thoughts so far, miles and miles.

Staring blankly, zoning out,
Positiveness I've started to doubt.
Missed the count of sleepness nights,
Feeling so alone when the pain bites.

Hearing whispers through out the night,
Looking around, no one in sight.
Shivers sent down my spine,
Having the feeling that I'll never be fine.

how many times have i given myself to another being just to keep them around? how many times have i pleased another person just to feel justified for having them be apart of my life. how much of myself is left, i’m dying to know, because with each body that carried me home each night, carried a piece of me when they left the next morning, i am no longer whole. with the emptiness i displace with loneliness, i fill myself up with small gestures, and tiny love stories. with deep breaths, and low moans. the diamond mine between my legs is desolate. hasn’t seen the sparkle of a jewel in years, instead it’s lain dormant. sleeping, yet filled with ghosts, each a name. each a baseball. each falling from my loose glove jaw.

it’s 4:04am and i am laying on a bed of ashes
half burnt cigarettes have formed a sort of nest around me and i’m holding my breath so that the blanket i’ve surrounded myself with has no chance of blowing away
perhaps i should have used the same technique for you, held my breath until a nice shade of purple set in
pressed my lips both shut, and around you
held in each thought i let go so freely in your presence and let it suffocate me like the rest of them

but you felt so different

all it took was a smile and somehow the air in my lungs executed a perfect evacuation plan immediately
easily maneuvering past my panicked attempts to keep it in
grey was my new favorite color ever since you showed up
you splatter painted me in it, each flick of your paintbrush colored a piece of me and she reveled in it
soaked it up and began to bleed drops of rainy days