I was using my feelings all along
Emotional by nature
A helpless hopeless romantic

You were using logic and reason
Rational by choice
A soldier trained to always be strict and to never feel.
The exact opposite of me.

He sleeps while I lay awake
No news.
I think this is the nature
of boys.
How many times have I lain awake
while a boy I was ******* slept?
Sometimes when you are faced with absurdity
All you can do is sleep.
I think I've made a terrible mistake
but this isn't the first time I've felt
this way.
I am not to be trusted.

I don't think I've slept in nearly two years.
Instead closing my eyes only in the merciful combination of desperation and design.

Last night he went to sleep at 12:03
I listened for his breaths to slow.
I rubbed my feet together
softly;
In near panic.
And didn't turn on Josh Ritter until
12:33.

Aside:
Falling in love =/= being in love
Life is all about lessons. Choices.

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶
I never felt alone until I met you.
🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

Not alone like this.

Do you dwell in this space also?
Am I less alone in at least that much?

Sleep softly, babes.

My heart hates you so much my beloved.
Yet the whole of my soul still needs you terribly.
We are so ******* far apart, ******* it.
Your love is taking such a toll on me.

I’d kiss you to death if I only had the chance to do so,
I’d made love to you until you wouldn’t want to anymore
I’d hug you until you couldn’t breathe even if you chose to do so
I’d make you miss me so much that you couldn’t stand it.

I chase our memories until exhaustion every day,
Needless to say it seems impossible to take you out of my mind.
Your touch has been lodged so deep inside of me.
It seems so uncanny that I can’t separate you from myself.

Whenever I try to move on and build my life again.
You just seem to magically appear in front of me all of a sudden,
Destroying at once any sort of hope of me finding love again.
Leaving me alone to wonder in the corridors of my own mind.

I’d die for you a hundred deaths and I’d fight and win for you a thousand battles.
I’d make a deal with the devil only to deceive him at the end
I would sell my soul to him to just get a moment of eternity with you even in hell (it would seem like heaven)
Even though you wouldn’t go out with me for coffee, tea or for a meal.

I know that I’m only gaining your pity from all of this indeed.
Maybe I’m not worthy of your love or even your attention.
What pains me so much is that you won’t even hate me for God’s sake.
So that much I’m indifferent to you after all that we’ve been through? After all of this??

It is my destiny to go through a love like this.
Doomed and ****** forever to never to be with the one I truly want
I just hope one day that you change your mind before it’s too late
So you can come and save me from death with a kiss of yours

I just ******* miss you I freaking miss us so much…****!..
I have no other choice other than to wait for you my beloved
Even if it takes me an eternity I will wait for you my red colored, egg shaped, thorn covered rose.
I‘ll wait for you, until the ashes of what used to be my brain and heart once, disappear, forever lost into oblivion.

For simply
I have no
Other
Choice.

She looks down the street
Desperate for another shot at the night
She likes the danger
And brings home every stranger
Not for the thrill
Not always at their will
But what else can she do
Her heart still has no clue

He died last night, our cheerful boy.
His body wasted. Skin draped in veins
of blue and black, and bones which
sought to burst apart his life...

His weakened breath. His stare which
scared us to the core, since he was there,
but not as who he was just two days before...

His mother stopped her tears hours ago...

Ah, my boy. My boy! If only I had seen.
This raging virus, in so much rumour,
yet spread so fast, like unchecked
tumours... and I let you loose, to play
in that sun... to have your fun...

WHY?! WHY GOD?! Is it not right that
you should have taken me? That the
light in my eyes should be torn away,
and I lay awake, delirious, bones
splintering under my very skin...

But as always... God doesn't answer.
He just stares at us, occasionally
poking us into reaction.

He died just last night... My boy. One second breathing. The next... silence.

I will never be able to get that silence
from out of my mind..

Your desperation
reeks
so much that you can
smell it in your bed
and you can hear it
in your head.
Sometimes you’d like to
fill it with
lead
so that you’ll really
be in your bed
where you can still
hear her voice
as it
echoes
in your head
like it did in the
valley.

O, speak, Torment! I shall lament no more; no more of this uncertainty in which I have been thrown in, no more of this game in which my Virtues always win, in which I always surrender to the tenderness and reproach of the Lady. I, too, wish to speak my mind up. For I love thee not like a cat loves a mouse, like a dandy dragoon Captain loves a Cossack woman. But I love thee like a young man falling headlong in love, like the Priest loves his God, a devotion only a man who had long been tormented by solitude and uncertainty could gather in his heart, like a dying man grasping for his last breath; but do tell me: dost thou despise me? O, this torment of uncertainty!