I jumped to a conclusion,
from such a height,
they said it was a suicide,
I think they might have been correct.

Emotion overwhelmed me,
the desperation of the moment took hold,
I acted rashly,
without thinking it through
and just like that desperate man on the bridge,
my foot untouched the edge,
the gravity of the situation pulled me down
and all that was left,
was regret.

Light the fire and pour the gasoline
Then let the ash follows the wind
To release the anchor of the world
That stuck on my back since forever

Light the fire and pour the gasoline
Let the memories fly to the astral realm
But my grip was never firm
And I still collecting dust ever since

Light the fire and pour the gasoline
Then put them back together with glue
Hide my feelings, and erase all the clue
Shut the noise from your heart when it's screaming

Light the fire and pour the gasoline
And use the flames to clean your sins
Or let your self be in the spiral of depression
Then fall and drown in the oceans

The dreams I had
Was set on fire by the world
Lefted only dust
Slowly fell to the dirt

The chemistry went out of hand
I need time but I ran out of sand
Been here forever I stand
In this unforgiven land

If only I can fix these legs
To get out of the deep space
Stop wondering how sweet does her lips taste
I wonder how far I can go, if I fix these legs

Whenever your name I wrote
My poems glows
But I have to bury the blooming rose
To see her happiness grows

Today I was accused to being a bad influence yet again,

Simply because I facilitate the forbidden wants/needs of the people I love,

Simply because I give them a place to get high and vent without being judged,

Simply because I create an aura where they feel free to express themselves in whatever ways they like- modest, humble even ******,

And simply because the ones they love refuse to facilitate their haram (forbidden).

Haram is bad – we all know this

But being human is about passing through all things good and all things bad.

Being a Muslim, most of my choices are haram;

Not properly attired to the laws of my religion,

My speech is not of a young lady with modesty- rather it is defined with sheer profanity,

I rather laugh from my heart even though it’s supposedly a *****’s act,

I refuse to lower my gaze around men; the same men that stole from me

The same men that refused to lower their gaze from me.

I deny myself the potential for love because of the expectation of great dismay

And I drown myself with the 34000 thoughts of what if??!

This poem is becoming a disaster; my thoughts aren’t flowing straight,

I went from bad influence to haram to rebellious to depressing;

What the **** is this **** going on inside my head- it aches with great displeasure.

How do I contain my contradicting self?

Someone help me please, my soul is crying and sobbing for something to fill this void-

The void that is desperately trying to full itself with the acceptance of the people who are hell bent on not accepting me.

Why am I like this? A contradicting ******* disaster

-fir.m

I am Awake all night wondering what if  we never did what we did so we never got where we are.