He told me once,
while climbing broken stairs in an abandoned house,
that what people leave behind is arguably more interesting
than what they take with them.

I find it ironic that he left me months later.

I am still illuminated in the glow of what once was,
it turns my skin a sickly pale green.

This has yet to make me interesting,
I am just what was not important enough to take with him.

D oes not need anyone
a lways there even though gone
n eeded to be heard
i still love him
e ven tho he is gone
l oved me when he was alive
S aw my pain
h as his own way of helping me
w as always there

The lack isn't enough
The absence of another set of hands is proving to be tough
No ones asked me how I'm doing for quite awhile
I remember your bed
I remember how much we didn't care about each other's pasts or the lingering of our own deadly thoughts
If you are the golf course and I am the rain then I'd like to go back to that night and remember how it felt to be completely ****** up and utterly insane
But I'm tired
No
I'm exhausted
A year ago I was not alone
I had dug a hole in a boys heart and filled it with suicidal thoughts and unanswered questions, both his and my own, and destroyed myself while calling it "love"
I think I was hiding
Using him as a mask
Because I was terrified and needed someone to provide me with a flask and cigarette addiction
The past is the past
But the past is all I have
The present is proving to be boring and the futures a *****
I guess I'll just be alone for now
Get dragged by the snow drifts and mesmorized by the wind
Stand out in the freezing snow and think about how I never feel warm anymore
Cause when I'm alone I'm cold to the core
Bored

Forked roads of similar charge,
Parabolic travels of kindred of stars,
Products and historic figures of space
Learning recording remembering faith.

Plane of reality tell me I'm here,
Why am I located tangent of sphere
Circling circles of masses and rotating ,
Sun baked and thirsty and GPS locating.

Lessons are simple or so I had learned,
The facts were the obvious extra un-turned ,
Here I am tangled in fact of a string,
The planets the future and ending of me.

Are memories fiction or fact that I argue
Blurred lines that formulate thoughts that I car view
All angles seen but the one I explore as my eyes are my face and my face is my core.
Where then do I go?
Where have I been?
What are the products evolving to then?
Now is the present and past disappeared,
Mc re-tangled or muddled and feared.

All you wanted to do that day was talk to me.
All you wanted to do was see me again.

I told you that I wasn't allowed
to take the car to see you that day.

So you took your parents car,
in the middle of the night,
all for a plan to watch the stars with me.

A plan that I never agreed upon
And yet you still went through with it.

And you ended up in a ditch
Because you swerved to avoid a deer.

And you had to call your dad,
and tell him that you were an idiot,
and that you ****** up,
and that his car is now in a ditch.

And then you were grounded for a whole month.

Everyday is another day
To either repeat my mistakes or consider forgetting this hate
But everyday I wake up and think of two things
First I think of him
Then I think of you
And I'm sorry my heads out of order
Excuse me for crossing these borders
But I still love him
Can I be infatuated with two?
I'd say yes
Because I'll love you both forever
Though we don't talk I can't let you escape my mind for you are every unanswered question I've ever asked and you are every cell I've left unexplored
Meanwhile
You
I love you as of the current
And I've known this for a long while
But I've sailed every inch of your sea and left a trail of small bruises and remanimts of red lipstick
But I don't want you to leave
I'm just afraid I'll go forever without knowing what he'd be like
Afraid of the unknown
Because with you I am home
With you I am free
But when I exit that ******* door it's him
**** I hate how it's always him and never home
But I love you of the current
And I'm sorry
Don't let me go
Don't leave me stranded in this bed without that well memorized map most call a mind, body and soul
I'm only 15
Why do I feel so old?