Out of boredom,
I open up an old novel I was writing at the age of 13.

I remember thinking I was a brilliant writer,
This book is publishing material.

I read it today and
Cringe
At
Every
Word.

Filled with teenage angst, raging hormones and everything in between.

Why did I think this passed,
For writing?!

Well at least I improved.
But I don't like the fact that,
In few years,
I will cringe at writing I did today.

Hell,
I was reading a poem I wrote last year,
It became trending,
And I think "how?"
Is this even worthy for a like?

Well, I can say I grew.

and maybe ill go back and rethink every heart wrenching decision that ever came across my mind
anything that ever affected me in any way that made me change my thinking
when im wrong and i cant handle it
when i sit in complete darkness and thing about you
but i think about the comfort that im  not feeling with you here
im thinking about if you were to be here and them comfort i still wouldn't feel and how that would make me cringe and cry and never want you and make me need you and realize that the things that i want aren't the things  i need
its a change in the security of the things of need
a thing in the displacement of the things i need to feel that void in my heart
its like waking up and needing you by my side but when i see you there i realize that i just wanted that physical aspect of seeing your face to fill the void of everything i couldn't handle
not the meaning inside of myself not knowing what i want right when i want it
its the simple thing as if not having you there is enough
its the self reliance i need to feel to make sure that me, myself is good enough with having enough comfort in myself to know how to handle situations alone
being alone and knowing how to handle things alone without needing you by my side
mentally, and emotionally
and ill look you in the eyes
and tell you that i need you
and look in the mirror
and stare at my reflection
in realization that i've needed myself a lot more all along
and you can ask how im going to be without you
and i have a good sense that ill be fine
until you find someone else to write about and call mine