My mind is my prison
I count to four
Everyday all day
Don't ask me why its four
Or why I count
You feel my fingers counting 1 2 3 4
I have to kiss you 4 times before I go
I have my routine of 1 2 3 4s
I replay conversions in my head 4 times 4 times
One it haunt me in my sleep
Two it haunts me all day
Three it takes me
Four it drives me crazy

One, kiss we shared upon that fateful night
Your taste still lingers on my bleeding lips
That crack and chip like ice that climbers smite
As they ascend the hostile jagged cliffs
Two, veins of flowers wilting on your grave
Seeping into the earth that claims your name
Upon my barren knees I toil and slave
Nails scratch the frozen earth for you in vain
Three, whisky bottles downed, I weep for you
Delirious, glass shatters on the stone
I dance with naked feet to feel anew
The flesh that seeks devoutly to leave bone
Four, five, six, seven nights I cannot sleep
Grief cannot be erased by counting sheep

The last time I caught myself
was when I still counted the seconds.
The seconds between our words,
the seconds between your breaths,
The seconds between your replies.
and I'd obsess.
But a long time has passed
a year at that.
I'm no longer counting the seconds.
I'm no longer counting you.
The only counting i've done
is how many days we've been through.
Sometimes I skip a day
but i'd never skip the seconds.
I'm finally letting go
of my obsession.
It's not numerical.
It's not mathematic.
It's you
you've always been my bad habit.

It keeps creeping in
  Slowly,
Indulging in every cell
  Deep within me.

What freedom do I have now?
  When all I can ever do
Is counting
  The days down.

The throbbing
  The stinging
The tugging
  The aching

What did I ever do
  *To deserve this pain
*That’s been haunting me
  For weeks?

Ten
Tears that fell

Nine
Half hearted oh wells

Eight
Sleepless nights

Seven
Silent screams

Six
Simple scratches

Five
Days left

Four
Depressive thoughts

Three
Anxious ones

Two
Ugly options

One
Last chance

Zero*
No more, she's gone

ELEVEN* was tired because it was
Almost TWELVE, but ONE was
Up late TWO watch THREE come
Home, FOUR was tired because FIVE
Did snore but SIX pushed him out of
The bed he snored no more, SEVEN
Was up as bright as could be, its
Amazing what EIGHT hours of sleep
Can do for me, NINE was happy as it
Was almost TEN because ELEVEN
Was coming to brunch again, TWELVE
Did come along the day going so quick
So more numbers counted once again
Which will leave us at the first number once again.

ONE* said to TWO have you
Seen THREE, then FOUR jumped
Out and FIVE nearly fell out the
Door, SIX was laughing so hard
Because of the fright, then SEVEN
Shouted it,s EIGHT now go to bed
Good night, NINE was exited
Because it was almost TEN, then
After this all were counted, but we
Will leave it till tomorrow, and then
The number fun can start once again.

I remain happy on gains
I become sad on losses
all these reflect me
as I'm human
you are silent
I'm worried
you are one of two
God or Savage