my husband's edition.
serves: zero.

prep time depends
on how long it takes
to ruin good produce.

ignore the recipe notes,
yet follow everything,
measure with a scale.

somehow still oversalt,
add enough pepper
to weaponize the broth.
let it simmer, thicken,
until you’re questioning
your methods.

when its texture turns
from soup to sponge,
try to rescue it
with store-bought cream
and forty-five minutes later,
hovering between uber
and just eat,
plate it with a hint of regret
and the admittance of defeat.

The *** never worries about its shine,
but only if the chef can stir more than heat.
Good looks can season the eyes, but flavor
fades quickly if the soul isn’t fed.

Jewels on the counter don’t make a meal—
the scars of the pan prove it’s lived through fire.
A recipe isn’t written in gold, but in burns,
in the scrapes, and in hands that keep cooking.

So dress the kitchen however you please,
but know this: the worth of what you serve
is weighed in the scars you carry, not the shine
you polish.

And now I ask—
which kind of *** are you?

Watching old Anthony Bourdain
and I hope the uneaten food gets donated to his staff
like how the great feasts of young King Henry VIII
got thrown to poor, after He had a bite or two
of foie gras done 12 ways


Never mind
After all that's happened
Tony should be beatified
I remember laying on the floor of my parent's room
when I couldn't get to sleep in middle school
and we'd watch a back to back block of No Reservations
on a 13 inch box TV on their nightstand
The next thing we knew, people grew more open for a time
Wegmans' got sushi, and Dad loves it
The parents weren't so ashamed of the city they fled to the 'burbs from, just for a second
Took them to a bespoke restaurant during pride month
and they thought it was a gay bar
just because they flew a rainbow flag out front
They grew to welcome it
for a few years at least

Thanks Tony
Wish you were here
and I had more to say about that
than a ******* postcard script
Your voice is still echoed in my house
on an endless nightmare streaming channel
kept on mostly for my chiweenie
You'd be horrified, but
still I know your take
could help reinvigorate our hope in a connected world today

The mean old man,
he’s serving food.
I’m not a fan
of how he’s rude.

His angry voice
and bitter way,
give me no choice
but stay away.

I dare not feel
his rotten soul.
Such icy steel
just takes its toll.

If I avoid
while he prepares,
I’m less annoyed
in vile he shares.

And so I wait
for him to go.
And play with fate
I do not know.

Don’t reconcile with a rebel,
If you’re scared to run with rebellion.

Don’t you try and cook,
If you’re scared of being burnt.

The trampling feet of warriors,
And the licking flames of devotion,
Will cast your foolish soul to the ocean.

Mangonadas for dinner,
or maybe just a snack.
Cooking isn’t my forte—
an unfortunate skill to lack.

But when I was a child,
my brother caught on fire.
He leaned against the stove
as if it were his pyre.

Falling to the floor,
he stopped and dropped and rolled—
and luckily for him
the fire was controlled.

I ran upstairs in terror!
I screamed and I cried!
I thought I’d lost my brother—
I thought that he would die.

Lifting up his shirt,
he showed his big, black scar—
Such a drastic contrast
I could see it from afar.

Anxiety came in,
and never did I learn
to cook myself dinner—
too afraid to burn…

Alexa
Enya
oven
rain
tumble drier
cats
washing machine