A terrible slap fence him round Poughkeepsie
those tips umbrella a man and that egress as
her wiles portray any scoundrel there
though break dance may pray for both their future
that make an acquisition privately monitoring
but colorful proposition of any expectations
in this hazelnut fortune of yesterday in Vassar.

consume endless stimulants
anything to get through this

lifeless eyes with sunken souls
tucked away in hidden holes

the hands on the clock do a full rotation
returning then surpassing their first location

alternating breaks between coffee and bogies
i sit on the floor, my effort withholding

breathe in, breathe out, inhale deep
i know not about counting sheep

a few more bodies tough it out
"we are the champions," i want to shout

and i'm delusional, so i just might
tell this empty room about my sleepless night

I keep biting off
more than I can chew.

Apple juice dripped
between the seams
of my fingers.

Cold chills
ran down my spine
and I wanted to hang
onto something,
but nothing was within reach.

My memories
got the best of me,
but don’t these photos
make it look great?

Sparkly blue waters,
freckles on your face.

I hope at the time
I thought it was just the same.
I lost track of the
coffee trips,
lips kissed
and debts paid.

We made safe spots
out of living rooms
and bottles of wine
something to wash down
our problems with.

Blankets like bowls,
would always be shared;
I never thought twice
about how much you cared.

More like family or lovers
than friends-
it would seem.

While we make messes
of the night,
the time stamps on
our messages became
less relevant
and all that would be resolved
was what bodies would be tangled at dawn,
and then held up in the
morning light
and felt.

caffeine crutch
restless midnight rush
memorize words to pinpoint precision
leaning on a coffee cup
fuel for cognitive ignition
unproductive nocturnal emission
of restless sighs
and tears from tired eyes
mesmerized
hypnotized
out of mind
passing time
dreary dreamer
2am alpha wave fighter
front line gunner
of disappointment in the making
time wasting
consciousness fading
daylight breaking
clock resetting

lists of lies told to our parents
hide the cigarettes hide the smell breathing **** rips out the window
check the hall check the smell we're doing well
you never introduce your parents to the friend that is always high
the friend that betrays the lie
by not bothering to conceal
the misery in their eyes
straight for a weekend straight for a dinner happy for a phone call
we do this to ourselves under pressures from every direction
some will decay inwards implosion
while the others will be building
swirling expanding explosion
something and nothing are in constant balance
who is responsible who are you disappointing
what is the worst thing that could happen
if you admitted you weren't doing okay
do you honestly think your parents will stop loving you
if you tell them your friends smoke ***
**** this species

i walk over the lawn
pushing my hips up and down
to appear more confident and womanlike
in this patriarchal dungeon
where lads become bros who are
taught to approve what I am saying in order for me to
continue and speak.

i have a family who holds a canopy
of love upon me
how dare you only acknowledge my flesh
and these pathetic letters when
there is magic in my hands, wisdom lying in my mouth, and an unblemished soul that has only been tainted by boys like you.

pray you stay away from me so that
your revolting desires are not revealed unto
yourself.

i am saddened by you
for how will I ever find a man when you are the representative
who has taught me that it is necessary to shield myself.

i am saddened that i will never gain your approval
i am saddened that i now live in a world
where women like me think they
need it

About Her.*

She’s my friend,
The one that I love the most.

She loves sunsets,
But not like a sunset on the beach-
Just sunsets,
With cotton candy sky
And clouds with silver linings,
Just the way I do.

She hates beach,
Or at least she doesn’t love it as much
As she loves mountains,
A place where there’s not too many people
With too much to say, too much to hear.

She loves cats,
She has too many of them.
The way they act, the way they cuddle
They’re dumb, and cute, and calming,
She said.

She loves music,
More than anything, I guess.
She listens to songs I probably wouldn’t know if it wasn’t from her.
She knows everything about music,
She sings,
Her soft sweet voice sometimes echoes in my head
She plays the instruments,
And She taught me some
She even made one song herself and it’s so good even without lyrics.

She is a wonderful human being,
That doesn’t know how much she’s worth.
She forgot how to be happy,
just like how she forgot how to stop hurting.
She says she’s not much,
Just a dead soul fueled by instant noodles
A mediocre,
But she’s not.

She loves watching sweet romance movies,
Not like Nicholas sparks-
But like movies with sad parts and happy endings,
Not too much romance,
Because she said she wouldn’t have that in her life
But I know she would.

She doesn’t let people in
And yet She’s afraid of dying alone
She writes her will and constantly revising it

She loves the stars, the moon
How the constellations are shaped and named

She is who she is,
And that’s why I love her.