God, talking to my heart.
Pointing out my blessings.
God talking to my heart.
Advising me of my treasure.

Tears come to my eyes.
Whenever you are mention?
And through all my evil ways.
You the object of my intention.

God talking to my heart.
On a daily basis.
God talking to my heart.
More than you can imagine.

I just know God is talking to me.

And I'm listening.

The bible in my hand feels far too heavy.
I open to a random page, and realize that,
although it would make grandma happy,
I will never read it.
Still, when I sit down at the piano here,
I hear divinity in the music.
When I smoke **** on the hill outside,
and look up at the stars,
I feel the excitement, the awe, of being a tiny part of something
infinite.
So who is their God to disapprove?

Let’s greet at the Church at Auvers,
And allow gates to uncover
Dewy daisies and dug up skulls
And crystalline spheres full of love.

Let’s meet at the Church at Auvers,
And behold our hearts as lovers
Where the moon glints its purple light
And our youth and fire shine so bright.

Let’s kiss at the Church at Auvers,
And let ourselves rediscover
Golden bulbs of precious life
Of luck and laugh of love so rife.

Let’s wed at the Church at Auvers.
At midnight, unknown, undercover;
Soft moon-kissed skin touching skin,
Lives entwined, lovers with a grin.

Let us leave the Church at Auvers,
And let’s dance across this river,
Towards an ardent red sunrise
Of perpetual paradise.

Some gaped
Clutching spoons
Stained with technicolor sweet

Some choked
Spewing taffy
At the poison pastor's feet

Some wept
Scrubbing powder
From their pixie-dusted hands

Some screamed
Grinding canes
Into minty striped sand

He grinned
Spinning scripture
Into fluffy twisted hope

We died
Dangling sweetly
From the cotton candy ropes

To Rico

11th hour
11th day
11th month
All units from Tango Charlie 2
Urgent assistance required:
1x IC2 male: white surplus tie
Scholars’ best
Suspected faint
Tomb of the unknown solider
Heron gowns swipe  
1x nurse in attendance
Rose hair Bisto heart  
Male unresponsive nurse giving kiss of life
Cindy Crawford dorm
Tango Charlie 3 be advised
Epaulettes flurry Jerusalem Chamber
West Door now open
Dignitaries' B minor fugue
Poppy air bite

If you stay in my corner?
God, what is there to fear?
You have that power to stop envy?
To stop hate, to correct mistakes
God, stay in my corner and stay great.

You see through falsehoods and pretense.
You're a wise spirit about pretense.
You make the liars' man up and use common sense.
God, stay in my corner?
Through wars you my force field and more.
You're the CREATOR of love.

We just need to use it, promote it, and show it.
Even in dealing with certain idiots.
To which we all are one.

God, stay in the World corner.
Love us, instruct us, teach us everything you request.
We owe you our best.

you hear the call
you answer the call
you follow the call
you chase after the call
but after all
who is calling
who is taking the fall
who are you leaving behind
back on the wall
an empty hall
shouting empty calls-
who are you leaving
to pursue what you are believing-
who is at the back hand
of your swing-
who is carrying the burden
that you’re carrying-
who takes up your cross
as you carry a wooden symbol
claiming that you hear the call-
i sit and wonder if you heard nothing after all
except the voices inside the heart
where deception befalls-

I thought I’d be smited, right then and there

The red gravel spilling into the dugout

Was now plastic aquarium rocks

I was in a bowl, drowning underwater

It felt like drowning a lot of the time I was out there

Mostly because I was easily distracted and couldn’t play softball for ****

When Paige kissed me, I cried

Now, those pieces of red dirt
were a hellfire beneath me.

My religious upbringing was the kind that’s secretly stifling. The kind that permeates so deep that to act against it is to act against yourself.

This generational inherited catholic guilt.

The idea that I should be unimportant and unassuming and sinning was important in a bad way.

I knew I would only get one trip to the bathroom per service, I planned it carefully each week

So that it would take the most time

So I could stand in the great hall and twiddle my thumbs

As we were  forbidden to re-enter the chapel while the father was speaking

I am forbidden from many things as a child.

I’m forbidden from tears as if I’m not important enough to have them.

I am not stone and my tears are not blood. I am not a miracle. I am not a sight to behold. I am not a message from god.

I am not the prophetic ****** Mary in my mother’s dreams the night a relative passes.

I am not allowed to love without meaning.

When Paige kissed me I cried.

I had to tell everyone in t-ball that I was 5 when I was only 4 because my mother wanted me to start a year early.

I hid the sign up forms they gave us at school each year, but my mom would register me in person.

Every year she’d tell me, just one more year, this can be the last one.

This went on for nine years.

After I made my first communion. I asked to quit

I had to study five more years to make my confirmation sacrament, effectively promising I’d stay in the church,
before my mother would let me leave.

The irony was lost on her.

When Paige kissed me I cried.

What a cruel way to hurt someone. This was worse than the tripping, the taunting, the terrorizing.

Her tenderness.

I often wondered why she treated me as she did—I was already an ugly duckling, a left fielder, a loser.

Her mom was the coach, and she was the best on the team. They all listened to her, which meant they all hated me.

She’d call me a **** and pull my hair.

When paige kissed me, I cried

Why couldn’t it have been anyone else, why not natalie johnston

I never told anyone else, I decided it wasn’t my secret to share.

But I am tired of keeping secrets of what people who hate me did to my body.

Retrospectively, it’s easy to try to be flattered. I’m sure it was hard and weird for her to have those feelings.

I’m sure she expressed them as well as she could.

But I didn’t want Paige to kiss me.

I WANTED Paige to stop calling me a ****.

I wanted her get hit in the face with a softball

and I wanted it to shove her nose into her brain.

And I wanted her to die.

And

I prayed for her to die.

the pope asked me what i really believed in, behind the lies and masks and the effect of saten.
you know what i told him?
wanna know what i said on that dry summer evenin?
i said that my holy book is read by the perfect way your hair looks messy when you just get out of bed,
when you call me late at night because our songs stuck inside your head.
i worship the way you always say that i know just what you think,
I'll pray to the way your voice goes low as hell when you talk about true love.
the way your eyes make stars appear in all that dreary darkness of...all the roads we take and lines we cross just to hold each other near. and at the end of this congregation i promise i'll see you soon my dear.
you give new colors to every flower. evey lemon, every tree. and the colors sparkle only when i hold you close to me,
on the red platos of navajo, honey bees making a song so much better than the radio, your voice the lead singer and my spirit feels the flow.
so yeah i know it's a little bit melo-dramadic, a bit manic, co dependent on the way you look at me, whatever you see that's just what i wanna be. babe.
and so my soul is saved with every touch from you.
preach in the pew about all the times we had at midnight solitary dances running from our taxes living life and death there's nothing left
but all that holy love we share.

so i told the priest the, minister the bishop and the father and the son and every single holy ghost who was there, that i'm in love with this girl and i dont give a ****, what you think force me to drink that holy water to set me on that straight and narrow bath, and i would laugh at all the **** that they believe will work on someone such as me.
and THAT'S how i got excommunicated
thankyou

The keys of the piano slipped and fell,
tumbling into oblivion.
The taste of horse tranquilizers,
the slow drip of distortion...
it twisted reality apart, and into something new.
I breathe, and the world changes shape,
As the music soars across the church.
Another line ties my blood to my mind,
and I begin to speak in riddles;
Altogether unbound by all the things I am.