you've never truly cried until
it becomes difficult for you to breathe,
and crying becomes so
normal,
it's now part of your daily routine
that is, if you can drag yourself out of the prison that is your bed,
to even form a "normal routine"
your body is empty and never seems to be filled
you are emptiness, a neverending pit,
and you wish that
it could just be
*******
different

We-I am so silly clinging
To that little bit of control
When out of place
Out of shape SO annoying
In my face
I HAte it
It has to be RIGHT
or it could be WrOng but I say
It’s right so it’s Right

choppy music consistent in my ears
water boiling in my chest
the steam makes my eyes water
the bubbles pop to the rhythm of a song
scalding
a reminder of how much the skin around my neck hurts when i think of you

I question myself and reality.
Finding the worst possible outcome, then a hundred more.
When I feel safe, but then startled, I panic.
I go through the list, I made, of good things…
But, I can’t make any of the words out.
Nor can I speak, But I CAN scream.
I can kick, punch, and bite!
…Because I feel threatened!?
Oxygen fills my lungs.
Only to come out in Erratic, Choppy, Panting breaths.
I pull on my skin, to make sure it’s still there.
The others only give me a migraine.
And, I’ve only been here maybe… ten minutes.
But it felt like a LIFETIME.

& then I die, only to be born again…
                                                                                          & again.

I can't drown my demons
They know how to swim

I keep putting myself in these situations
My heart can only be broken so many times
Shattered

Over & over

This is a **** poem
I shouldn't have written it

My world is crashing down
Lungs are collapsing
Air is scarce

Drowning

No friends
This is choppy
Rumors
This is my mind

s.j.d