Suddenly I realized "I have arrived".  

I have arrived in a place that only the hands on a clock can carry you (willingly or not).

Then it placed my feet on the ground to look around and behold this new thing called "certainty".

How can I explain this arr.

three woke this morning

to empty beds
empty sails
and empty days

one woke with certainty
one woke in turmoil
and one woke with tortured hope

...and that may make all the difference.

It's hard to look up and expect something,
To expect hope,
Or dreams,
Or success.

It's hard to look forward and see clearly,
To see a path,
A route,
A way.

It's hard to breathe knowing that nothing is certain,
To breathe poisoned air,
Chemical haze,
Nuclear surroundings.

It's hard to live knowing that everything is changing,
To live in a wavering world,
An unsteady world,
A fighting world.

It's hard.
**All of it.

I say;

The drifting rain dissolves sea salt
Turning tears into dangled monsoon
Under the bleak ballad of dying dawn
Where I long for heat unbroken

You say;

The drifting rain drenches my tiptoe
Witching smiles into deranged equinox
Upon the downpour of ancient daybreak
Where I pray for old snow long sunk

All was as if the days faded
And morphed into younger sunset
It was as if mercy was drained
And no one preach as desired

The downpour stench though remains constant
Of rotting perfume of the rouge graphite
You drowsily drip from dowsing fingers, they lit
Into pages of burning, dancing melodious lads

As will, you may keep those imageries for you
And give up old stories as my slumber lyre
Whether it is about the burnt down marching boy
Or the bloodstained pianist from our ancient joy

For the bleak heart aesthetic
has affected a new kind of love
And the bleak heart aesthetic
would never let you feel so certain

So please keep your drifting rain of strings
During the downpour of the deranged equinox
When the snow goes black and slowly sunk
Into pages of firespit melodious lads

You said you’d always be my friend
but didn’t stick with me til the end.
You told me I completed you
that you’d love me forever,
yet here I am, by myself, alone
you and I no longer together.
Don’t cry, your not life’s only lie.
Society filled my head with so many misconceptions
pulling me back and forth in all these different directions.
Get a job, make lots of money, you’ll be real happy.
Yet here I am, busting my ***, feeling **** ******.
Go get educated at some fancy institution
then your life will be better, that’s the real solution.
Doesn’t sound half bad, I’ll take you up on that bet.
4 years pass, still busting my ***, forty grand in debt…
In a life full of lies
death seems to be the only thing certain.
I know it would never hide the truth from me
behind some ******* curtain.
When it comes, I won’t be seeking solace.
I’ll be smiling, saying “Thank you for keeping your promise.”

So we can get this over with already...






I told you...




                  "I'll just walk away"

Sometimes there's
nothing more beautiful
than things left unsaid...

                     And sometimes
                      there's nothing
                                 worse.

Threw caution to the wind;
****** my breath in;
A leap of faith taken;
A leap into nothing.

Answers awaiting,
tongue 's hesitating,
memories are fading,
a leap of faith taken.

Rare sorts of amazement.
I stand there, gazing,
this fear starts invading
before a leap of faith taken.

Motions to halt;
Emotions at fault.
Face says it all;
A story in making.

Yet I stand tall,
delusion breaking my fall;
"I'm in love with you, doll !"
Says I'm "mistaken".

See folly at play
but who is to say ?
that she might not stay
when I ask with patience.

A life in decay,
mind drifting astray
eyes shifting away,
heart succumbing to decadence.