I am the ram
and you are the moon,
or at least that’s what
we’re told.

My footing stays precise,
to help leap across large gaps
or swiftly tackle obstacles,
avoid a potential mudslide
or traverse rocky waters.

But now the tide is shifting,
as your relentless core
pulls my heart above the earth
where I can see a haze of
lush mountaintops, free from the
uncertainty of life on the rocks.

I’ve seen this magic before,
but this time it looks
too real.

She starred in "Doctor Who" and "Blood Money".
She died thirty years ago today at the age of 63.
When she starred in those Doctor Who episodes, she starred with William Hartnell and Tom Baker.
She lost her battle with cancer thirty years ago today and she went to Heaven and met her maker.
She also starred in "Tales Of The Unexpected", "The Comedy Man" and "No Hiding Place".
People were sad thirty years ago because she was no longer a member of the human race.
It's always sad when such a talented person dies.
All of her fans mourned because of her demise.

Her curiosity slipped in,
in silence, viewing
the clear, clean canal, exploring
the slow passings of time,
the wear and tears of years
of rough passage, ready to excise
any hint of a foreign body.

And his body lay, foetal,
while the nurse stroked his hand
assuring him the end was in sight,
but he kept still, his eyes tight shut
until she re-emerged,
and he could blink back into the light.

Universe vested within and galaxies scattered beyond,
A moon child fathoms her demise.

I stood over the sink
Scrubbing our negroni glasses
Wishing the ginger-scented soap
Would wash away the cancer
Because the chemo didn’t work

I was wearing eyeliner
When I first met you
We’d laugh about that later
Over a bottle of wine
And patatas bravas

We always had our weekends
Movie dates and inside jokes
We would guffaw at the
Fuckery of it all
My god your laugh
How it filled a room

I remember when you said
“I love you, Christopher…
because you just GET ME”
You expressed appreciation
For how I carved out time
For our friendship

I reminded you,
“I don’t carve out time for you,
I shove everything away while
screaming ‘I NEED MY HEIDI TIME!’”

*******.
I need my Heidi time

For years you were
The most consistent thing in my life
Always there for one another
We were each other’s touchstones
I realize this now more than ever
During my weekends spent alone

Wine tastes different now
Something’s missing
Going to the movies feels strange
It’s like the hero has
Left the frame

Remember when I smoked cigarettes?
You’d *** a drag as we crept
Through early evening traffic
On our way to get gelato
Or if we were feeling sassy
Maybe an affogato

I switched to vaping
When you went into hospice
Then back to menthols
When your spirit left this world

I’m addicted to our memories
More than the nicotine
They bang around my head
Like a song or a scent
Nostalgic  
And
Lingering

You tattooed
“CEDENDO VINCES”
On your wrists
“By yielding, you will win”
My finger traced those words
While I held your hand

Last breaths

But what are deaths?

Transitions
Energy
Shifting
A spark
Returning

/ / /

Those letters live
On my wrists now
A reminder of her
The sister I never had
And sometimes
I still hear her laugh

“One of the truest, one of the few.

Your essence is pure, no need to subvert.

Nothing but goodness, joy and happiness exude from your core.

It may be said of many, but your smile has watts that illuminate the truth, lighting up a room as only you, Elizabeth Young, can do.

That hair so lush, like it breathes on its own, to catch but a whiff is to know that I belong.

Belong in that embrace, welcomed into your orbit, the feeling so special, so genuine, so joyous, that I’ll never forget it.

That heart, your great big heart, encompassing every room, but never wanting the spotlight to shine down on you.

Your gift as a giver, showering love with aplomb,

yet always looking out for others, mindful of those with less,

makes you a special human who always wants the best.

Your laugh like no other, a kinship have we,

sometimes those seeking silence, don’t appreciate the unique harmonies between you and me. 😂

Your essence is a gift that I will forever cherish, I am blessed to call you my friend, to love you is an honor.

You’re the other half of my sunshine and that can never be taken away.

Your radiance is immortal, your legacy unmatched,

Yesterday, today and forever you will always shine bright and show me the way.”

Todd Carter
7/29/2022

He died one year ago today and was laid to rest.
He was a good friend and his name was Earnest.
Earnest was one of three men that I knew who died last year.
He repaired and sold computers but cancer ended his career.
He would still be fixing and selling computers if he was alive.
Earnest tried to beat cancer but sadly, he could not survive.
His friends and family are sad because he no longer exists.
He was a great man and a friend who has been missed.
Everybody who knew him was truly blessed.
He was my friend and his name was Earnest.

I remember how much Dad suffered during his final days.
After months of receiving chemotherapy, he passed away.
Regular chemo stopped working so they used a more powerful version that made him feel worse.
It wasn't long after he received the more powerful chemotherapy that he ended up in a hearse.
When it came to being diagnosed with Leukemia, it certainly wasn't something that was foreseen.
Today is the ninth anniversary of my dad's death, he died on the thirteenth of July in the year 2013.
When Dad learned that he had cancer, he made me promise to take care of Mom after he died.
But she died four months before he did and we didn't know she was ill, we were all mystified.
When a person becomes so ill that he or she dies, it's hard to comprehend.
When Dad drew his last breath nine years ago today, his life came to an end.