i don’t know how to feel, to be fair,
anxious thoughts linger, heavy in the air.
the boys stay the same, unchanged, unkind,
no remorse, no growth, no peace to find.
i hoped for growth in the time apart,
a shift, a spark, a different start.
but the mirror shows the same old face,
pulling me back to that unkind space.
the morning speaks in knots and twists,
a familiar ache i can’t resist.
two bad dreams, that’s all it took —
to unearth the truth i’d overlooked.
no more dwelling, no more weight,
just quiet resolve to close the gate.
i thought time apart might bring some change, maybe a bit of growth, but it feels like nothing shifted. all it does is remind me of the person i used to be around them—someone i’m not proud of. and now, here i am, waking up with that same uneasy stomach, like a ghost of old patterns i thought i’d left behind.
