Falling sick on a journey
Over a field of dried grass

My dream hops away, rustling;
My life slides away, beckoning,

I run away to the beats of the gong.

Okay, so what was normal? It sure as hell isn’t me. So is it the average American white family? With their clothes all starched and their kids in suits and dresses? And they all come together at dinner or breakfast and eat like one big happy family? Like they don’t fight none or get on each other’s nerves? Or is it the hard working man, with barely enough money to support his small family? A family that doesn’t seem to have it quite figured out or quite right to sustain, yet somehow they find a way. They still seem to be surviving somehow, through all their toils.. They come together at mealtimes to eat what they have, and sometimes they get on each other’s nerves. But you know what? That’s normal man. It’s common, godammit, to not be a perfect family. The poor and struggling family is the real one.. the humble one.. the normal one.

I’m not alone and I don’t have company either.. I’m a wandering soul looking for a place to rest. A place to sit, sleep, eat, lie, ******* Somethin’! anything! Just a place for the weary traveler to gather his thoughts and ease his mind. Hell, just a place to be normal I guess.

I wouldn’t call myself a poet and I wouldn’t call myself a writer. I’m not too sure about anything in my life right now. I didn’t even know I was born until the doctor’s told me so.. But I can tell you one thing that’s for sure: It’s that I’m living. ******* right I’m living. I’m out in the world, making love to the American Dream and ******* on the ones that tell me to do otherwise. I’m tearing down walls and raising hell in the streets at night. I’m snorting things, popping things, drinking things, and living a totally ****** up life. But hey man, what’s wrong with it? What’s wrong if I wanna live this way? You never seemed to have cared much when I was around any who.. So *******.

Sleep is a thing for the weak… the underprivileged youth of America. It’s for those who do not have any true grit. Something the busy and spontaneous folk do not acknowledge. We have no need for it. We have our drugs, our energy, and our freedom.

I’m going to go into a depression here, shortly. But that’s okay, because it’s bound to happen one way or another. The best thing is to be prepared. But you see, I am not prepared, nor do I think I ever will be. Dealing with depression is all a manner of tying the noose… or even slipping it. I had let myself go.. All I once stood for was lost amongst the poor feelings and laziness that clouded my whole existence. This is what depression feels like, kid.

I don't need a lullaby.

I'm tired of being told to sleep it off and that it'll all be better tomorrow because sometimes you wake up feeling as desperate (if not more so) than before.

Pretty lyrics aren't going to remedy ugly scathing words and a soft, slow melody isn't going to cover up the irregular sound of a heart trying to beat in a rhythm it doesn't remember.

So kindly stop trying to force me to enjoy a happy tune I don't want to sing and give me a song that's honest and angry and raw like I am because at least then I don't have to pretend everything is just fine.

two beats. one heart
    i want to become one with you.
love love love.

     one? what is one? 
    the lowest cardinal number. 
     half of two. 
    
you? one...
     You're? the one. 
two beats. one heart
 us? one.
one? you. myself. ; peculiar beings ; one? we are one. 
              
always and forever, I have hoped to find the one.
always and forever, I have hoped to find she. who amounts to one .
you? her? one? my love.
forever and always I hope to have you as one. 
forever and always I hope to become one with you.

catharsis. 
the word said like a mantra. 
the word said like the last prayer.
the word amounting to; you. one. Nirvana. serendipity.
      four words; four hearts; one.

through you many things have been found, love, lust, love, serendipity, nirvana, catharsis, love , art, love. 
    
together? catharsis ; can become. 
two beats. one heart.
two hearts. one beat.
   in sync. love.
i love you
   three words. mantra.
you you you. i love you.
catharsis; you and i. forever and always. Nirvana. 
 Words; life. You; life support. Us; love, hope.
 
well hoped.